STELLA It was a hot afternoon - perfect for a swim - but I'd promised Stella I'd meet her at the train station. Around two o'clock I took my bicycle and started out. When I arrived at the train station, Stella wasn't there. Then I realized I wasn't at the train station, but in a hut made of tongue depressors and pieces of gum. Still, where was she? - - - - THE BEST YAHOO EVER The best yahoo I ever had was with Yahoo. We did it yahoo yahoo yahoo yahoo yahoo yahoo and it lasted for yahoo. It was great and I remember it vividly. - - - - DREAM I dreamed I split into my good and evil selves and found that without the evil part I dithered too much to command The Enterprise. - - - - FLY Why should a fly infuriate you when you're trying to fall asleep, even if it's clicking castanets and wearing a beanie with a propeller? - - - - THE GIFT OF COAL Give a lover an expensive diamond ring and that lover will probably lose it in a cocktail lounge when they're getting drunk with their sexy co-worker. But give a lover a lump of coal and they can carry it around all day and squeeze it very tightly in their hand and eventually it might turn into a diamond, although it should still have a nice setting. - - - - WHERE WE FOUND YOU X - - - - CARP My brother raised some carp in a fish pond in our back yard. One time, as a joke, my friend and I were really high and we leaned out my bedroom window and shot all the carp with a rifle. Then we threw the fish in the street and my brother ran over them in his car when pulling into the driveway. The thing was he failed to see the humor in the situation. Hey, Randy, loosen up! - - - - GREAT EXPECTATIONS Sorry if you thought this would be interesting. It's not.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Alternate Endings Featured On The DVD Re-Release Of The Night When You Saw Me, One Year Later By Michelle Orange Artificial Beckett, Or, How I Used The Second Chapter Of "Murphy" To Befuddle My Ex-Girlfriend With Instant Messages By Chris Kaye The Art of Conversation By Thom Marrion At The Exhibit of Cuban Art By Aaron Tassano He's A Porketarian and I Love Him By Rose Gowen |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.