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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
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qanuk: n., snowflake. qanir: v., to snow. qanunge: v., to snow in July, taking the sunbathers off guard. qanugglir: v., to snow in the front yard, but not the back. kaneq: n., brown snow. kaner: n., more like a brownish-yellow snow, though we can't be sure, so check back later, okay? kanevvluk: n., snow in a fondue pot, halfway melted. kanevcir: v., to place snow in a fondue pot, halfway melt it, then show it to your expectant dinner guests and bask in their compliments. natquik: n., snow that is rolled into a ball and hurled at the house of one's enemy. natquivigte: v., to hurl snow at the house of one's enemy and miss, accidentally hitting the house of one's friend. nevluk: n., snow that, in the words of Rousseau, hasn't gotten the message yet. nevlugte: n., snow that got the message loud and clear, but chooses to ignore it. aniu: n., snow on a clown. aniuu: n., snow on a sad clown with a horn. apun: n., snow on a Catskills comic; also, snow along the roofline of a barn. qanikcaq: n., snow sculpted into the shape of a Bartlett pear. qanikcir: n., Bartlett pear-shaped snow sculpture rolling down the mountain, destroying everything in its path. muruaneq: n., snow and ice shards lodged in the buttocks of one's enemy, the one whose house you keep managing to miss with your natquik, four eyes. qetrar: n., snow that appears frequently as a contestant on gameshows. qerretrar: n., gameshow-appearing snow that wins the couch and the washer/dryer combo deal, but chokes when it comes to the car. nutaryuk: n., dancing snow, so nimble, so happy. qanisqineq: n., snow over the Guggenheim Museum; also, unhappy snow. piretepag: n., heavy snow that falls in one's dream. I had this weird dream once where I crammed the piretepag down the throat of my enemy, sealed the enemy in an ice coffin, and buried him in a location where the authorities are not likely to look. qengaruk: n., snow that warns of blight, but then hotfoots around the corner, where frost and hail are waiting, all giggling conspiratorially. Snow says, "I just warned some stupid-ass Inuit about blight, and now he's running around in a panic, collecting whale blubber." Frost says, "He doesn't even know what blight is." Hail says, "This is so typical. This is all so typical, but funny nonetheless." utvak: n., a glacier on holiday. navcaq: n., neurotic snow, which falls to earth, feels uncertain about resting on the ground, and leaps back into the sky, where it clings to the nearest cloud, crying and crying. navcite: n., snow which looks, smells, and tastes like a hot dog; also, a hot dog. pirta: n., two snowflakes that look exactly alike, but keep it to themselves. pircir: n., the third flake, who sells compromising photographs of the two identical flakes to the highest-paying tabloid. pirtuk: n., the fourth flake, who wearily reads of the antics of the first three while waiting in line at the grocery store. cellallir: n., snow imprisoned in a cone and doused with sugary liquids, always without the snow's consent, you ever stop and think about that, mister? pirrelvag: n., gift snow, presented to a loved one on the special day, often molded into the shape of a caboose, but sometimes a swan will do just fine.
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