Learn to say YES to the universe and the universe will say YES to you. I, for example, say YES to the universe and the universe says YES to me. I see myself in the universe's mirrored sunglasses. I have tongue-kissed the universe. The universe has really soft lips. The universe also has great minty breath. The universe likes to stroke my back and braid my hair. The universe gives me pedicures. I have taken the universe as my lover. In other words, you might say the universe has become my lover. Learn to say YES to the universe and the universe will say YES to you! Sometimes the universe and I play dominoes. On Sundays, in the late afternoon, when the sunlight just barely comes slanting through the blinds, I sit on the universe's lap, and the universe lets me beat his ass every time. I like to rub my cheeks against the universe's stubble. The universe has really great eyes. Never mind his soft lips and his minty breath. The universe just gave me his high school jacket. The universe just bought me a silver Camaro. The universe says he'll give me a promise ring as soon as he saves up some more money from his part-time job working at the Foot Locker. You may not know this, but the universe is ticklish. You have to know just the right spot. Don't you want a little action? I ride the universe like a wild, wild horse. Looks like I am having the universe's baby. I say YES to the universe and he says HOW HIGH to me! I'm telling you: learn to say YES to the universe, and the universe will say YES to you, too.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
What They're Saying in the Ambient Background of Pink Floyd Songs By Dan Kennedy Rule Six By Chris Mcavoy Wallpaper By Mike Topp A Member of the Club By Brian Bieber We Have So Many Things To Talk About By Evan R. Beaumont |
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