- - - - SUBJECT: Greta R.
Q: Hello there. A: Oh, hello. Q: It's gotten pretty cold lately. A: Yes, very chilly last night. Q: Yes it was. I wonder, don't your dogs get cold in that pen? A: They have the, you know, the little house to go inside when it gets cold. Q: Right. They were outside most of last night, though. A: Really? Q: Yes. Were you outside playing with the dogs? I could hear them barking a lot. A: Well, I did throw the ball a little, when I fed them. Q: When was that? A: After dinner. I think it was about nine o'clock. Q: No, this was around two or two-thirty a.m. Lots of barking. A: Really? I didn't even hear them. I was asleep. Q: Me too. A: Oh. Q: Until they started barking. A: I'm so, so sorry. I'm trying to keep them better, but not being at home during the day, and I can't have them inside the house because they scratch… Q: I looked out the window, and they were just standing around in the pen, barking at nothing in particular. A: Really? I'm really sorry. I'll try… Q: Do dogs sometimes bark just because they're cold? A: I don't know… Q: Something to think about. - - - - SUBJECT: David W.
Q: Hello, it's Chris from across the hall. A: Hi. Q: Some of your mail got mixed in with mine again. Here you go. A: Ah… thanks. Our mailman is such a dork. Q: True. Say, does this ever happen with your mailbox? I mean, do you ever get any of my mail? A: No. Not that I remember. Q: It just seems like sometimes I miss a bill or a catalog. Are you sure you don't just get my mail sometimes, then sort of throw it away? Rather than bother giving it to me? I mean, how would I ever know, right? A: Oh no, I'd give it to you if I got it. Q: That's funny you should say that, because last week I wrote a letter, addressed it to myself, and put it in your mailbox. Did you see that one? A: Uh… no, I don't… I don't think so… Q: Well, if you do find that letter, or if any other mail addressed to me comes to your mailbox, can I ask you to just keep one thing in mind? A: …Yes… Q: Don't believe everything you read. - - - - SUBJECT: Will G.
Q: Hey. A: Hey, what's up? Q: Late night? A: Yeah, I was working. Q: Ever notice how even though this is a solid old building, how thin the walls and floors are? A: Oh. Did I… Q: No, no. I mean, sure, I can hear you walking around, but I'm used to it. Though you do make a lot of stomping noises for such a thin guy. A: I'll try to walk more quietly. Q: I've seen you around lately with that petite little girl, with the fur-fringe coat thing. A: Yeah! Denise. We've been going out for a couple months now. Q: She's cute. A: Yep. Q: I have to tell you this, and please don't take this personally, but before I saw you with her, I just assumed you were gay. A: No way! Why? Q: You must really like her. A: Sure, yes I do. But wait, why did you… Q: I can hear how much you like her, in fact. That bed of yours really makes a lot of noise. A: … Q: I mean it's a huge racket. And she, uh, Denise, she's also pretty vocal. You know? A: I'm… well, I'm sorry. I mean, c'mon. Q: Well, the thing is, I'm not sure you can understand just how loud it is down here when you're up there on the bed with her. A: What? Q: It's not like with a creaking pipe, where I can call you down to listen next time, because if you're down here listening, then obviously, you're not up there making noise. A: Look, sorry, but I really need to… Q: So I've made some recordings. Of the last few sessions. A: You did what? Q: I promise, you'll be amazed at the volume. If you hear some distortion on the tape, that's just me breathing. Now listen. Listen closely to this part. This is my favorite.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
NFL Picks 2003: Week One By Jeff Johnson McSweeney's Brain Exploder: "The Ransom Note" By Carlton Doby My Name By Peter Owen Nelson Talk Different: An Alternative to Idle Conversation By Jason Roeder If Game-Show Hosts Were Guests on Their Own Shows By Max Luker |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.