Music Video Ideas
That Unfortunately Will Never Be Filmed.
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HANSON: "Penny and Me"
We open to find Zac, Isaac, and Taylor rocking out in a small auditorium packed with kids. Hanson is framed against a wall of vintage speakers that boom and bellow with sound. But when we cut to a reverse-angle shot of the crowd, something is totally amiss. The kids are sitting stone-faced and silent. Confused, Hanson picks it up a notch. Taylor's voice is now teeming with raw energy. He grips the microphone so hard it looks like it could melt. Isaac's fingers crawl over his frets like a centipede. And Zac beats the living crap out of his drum kit. They are surging with more energy than ever before, but the kids still don't react. Hanson looks baffled but continues tearing through the track with a vengeance. In our final shot, we are inside the tour van as they drive away, dumbfounded. Through the back window we see the sign "SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF" as we cut to black.
JESSICA SIMPSON: "Take My Breath Away"
This video will clearly be a parody of the Newlyweds series. Our guerrilla cameras will follow the emotional story of Jessica as she flirts with disaster and falls for another guy (let's just call him S. Keneally). Intimate shots of Jessica singing will be nothing compared to the intimate shots of Jessica and S. Keneally in the back of Nick's truck. (Of course, all conceptual imagery will be exclusively suggested so as to push the limits of MTV acceptability without crossing the line.) The video will be packed with tension as Nick nearly catches them in the act in several different locations. As the song hits the climax, Nick storms into the bedroom and pries Jessica's supple, sweaty body off of S. Keneally. We cut to S. Keneally hooked up to a ventilator in the ICU and mouthing the lyrics "Take my breath away." Fade to black.
SCOTT STAPP: "Relearn Love"
We find Scott Stapp performing in Magic Mountain before an audience of young kids and their parents. The swirl of roller coasters creates a graphic backdrop for his inspired performance. Throughout the song, we capture reaction shots of the adults and are surprised to find that they look horrified by what they are hearing. One by one, the panicked parents cup their kids' ears and shuffle them out of the venue. It's as if Scott were singing songs about Satan or something. He has no idea why this is happening, but being a good sport, he continues performing. As the song comes to a close, the entire audience has cleared out except for one small child in the front row. Although the backing band looks crushed that everyone else vanished, Scott looks on the bright side. He's happy he made a real connection with one fan. But in our final shot, the small child stands up, flips Scott Stapp the bird, and walks off. Fade to black.
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
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Music Video Ideas That Unfortunately Will Never Be Filmed By Scott Keneally
Hiking Safety Tips By Jim Stallard
The Gettysburg Address, as Delivered by Rob Zombie By Ryan Boudinot
Unsuccessful Movie-Merchandising Attempts By Joe O'Neill
Scenes From a Blockbuster Action Movie Featuring a Technology Expert With Approximately My Own Real-Life Skill Level By Sean Keane
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