Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

Today, July 25, is your last day to start or renew a subscription to McSweeney's and start with Issue 28. Coincidentally, it's also the last day to start or renew a subscription to Wholphin and start with Issue 6. Both subscriptions are discounted (McSweeney's by $5, Wholphin by $10). If you've moved, please send us your address changes.

- - - -

Condensed Letters to Penthouse Forum.

BY DAN KENNEDY

- - - -

Dear Penthouse,

I met a woman at a party recently and we ended up making love with such fervor that we knocked items off of the table near my bed. And to think I had never considered the possibility of something like this even happening in the small town where I'm attending college!

Name and Address Withheld

- - - -

Dear Penthouse,

Me again. I'll make this quick, but last weekend at a car-wash fundraiser for the small liberal-arts college I'm attending, I ended up making love to one of the cute coeds working with me. Arguably, as a result of her T-shirt getting wet during a playful water fight the two of us engaged in. I am on fire this year! Maybe it's the tan?

More from me soon.

- - - -

Dear Penthouse,

Can't get into details for obvious reasons, but my roommate's girlfriend and I ended up making love. I'm still kind of freaking out over the potential and obvious complications, but aside from feeling weird emotionally I have to say, things have changed for me. It was never this way with girls. Anyway, I certainly got more than I bargained for from a simple afternoon study session.

Mr. K

- - - -

Dear Penthouse,

Oh. My. God. I was back home recently for summer break and so was a girl I dated before heading off to college. All I can really tell you is this: She is bisexual now and I found myself in a situation that involved making love to her and—get this—also a beautiful mutual friend of ours at the same time. All right, that's enough out of me, as the three of us are from a small enough town that it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who I'm talking about.

I'm as stunned as you are, trust me.

d

- - - -

OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

- - - -

Condensed Letters to Penthouse Forum By Dan Kennedy
Butterball Help-Line Help-Line By Alysia Gray Painter
What It Means When a Crowd in a Faraway Nation Takes a Soldier Representing Your Own Nation, Shoots Him, Drags Him From His Vehicle, and Then Mutilates Him in the Dust By Dave Eggers
Tales of Erotica: Chuck Norris and Me By Brian Bieber
Virtual Sherpa®: Your Guide to the Right Career in the High-Tech Workplace of Tomorrow By Chris Bachelder

- - - -

MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES

 

Memories of Amanda Davis

 


Red dot denotes content that is new today.

Black dot denotes newish content.

McSWEENEY'S STORE

SUBSCRIBE TO:
McSWEENEY'S
THE BELIEVER
WHOLPHIN

FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS

THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD

INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE

McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST

McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES

ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
FOR BOOKS
FOR THE QUARTERLY
FOR THE WEBSITE
FOR WHOLPHIN

McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS

CONTACT US

- - - -

LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW

SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT?

DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS

DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST

DEB OLIN UNFERTH'S SICK OF THE REVOLUTION

DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT

ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES

ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS

ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS

ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS

ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY

DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO
A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA


STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

- - - -

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL