Phriday List Phabulousness:
Semi-current Events Edition.
- - - -
OTHER STATEMENTS AT CONCERTS
THAT CAUSED RIOTS.
By Max Luker and Austin Sidley
According to published reports, singer Linda Ronstadt started a "riot" during her concert at the Aladdin hotel-casino in Las Vegas after praising Michael Moore and his new film, Fahrenheit 9/11. People booed, tore down concert posters, and tossed cocktails. "It was a very ugly scene," the Aladdin president told the Associated Press.
Jerry Garcia—Winterland, San Francisco, CA, August 1970 "You know, man, I really think we need to give Nixon a break. We've got to fight the communist menace in South Asia, man."
Ani DiFranco—Avalon Ballroom, Chicago, IL, February 1998 "I just want to let you all know that the Gillette Mach 3 razor delivers a really smooth, nick-free shave."
Duane Allen, lead singer, Oak Ridge Boys—Charlie Pride Theater, Branson, MO, September 2000 "We're going to raise the house lights and I'd like you all to look around for a minute ... this place is really cheesy, don't you think? I mean, seriously, can't you people afford to go to Vegas?"
Bruce Springsteen, with his E Street Band—Madison Square Garden, April 1984 "So maybe Reagan—yeah, thanks, sir, I hear ya, woo hoo!—maybe Reagan's been right, all right?, that homeless people are homeless by choice. Poor people too. And the unemployed! Why can't they work at McDonald's? Yeah, now let's go! Hun Two Hee Foh!"
NWA—the Forum, 1991 "Cool, yeah. We're here to counsel patience. Those videos, we just don't know, and Rodney might be in the wrong. We just don't know yet. Besides, like we always say, make love to the police."
- - - -
THINGS I'D RATHER DO
THAN GO SEE CATWOMAN.
By Benjamin Kharakh
Build a sandcastle for the sole purpose of having it kicked in my face.
Fall from a reasonably high ledge.
Swallow several Legos.
Rip a dollar into three unequal pieces.
Buy an expensive pair of pants and then spill grape juice all over the crotch.
Fill out a Mad Libs and then eat it.
Have a colonoscopy.
Wake up very early and go running.
- - - -
FREE ZINGERS FOR
GEORGE W. BUSH TO USE
DURING HIS DEBATES
WITH JOHN KERRY.
By Ryan Boudinot
My vice president has withstood four heart attacks. What's Senator Edwards ever withstanded?
John and John, sittin' in a tree,
G-A-Y-M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E.
I may have started a war on false pretenses, but at least I never changed my mind about something.
The last time I saw Senator Kerry that slippery, we were Crisco-wrestling in the basement of Skull and Bones.
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Phriday List Phabulousness: Semi-current Events Edition
Be Prepared!: How to Handle Threats to the Election By Wendy Molyneux
Ten Excerpts From a Magazine Found at a Philly Gentlemen's Club, Reformatted as Love Poems By Daniel Maurer
John Moe's Pop-Song Correspondences, Volume III By John Moe
The Screen Test By Katherine Grosjean
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.
