IN-PROGRESS IDEAS FOR NEW YORKER CARTOONS. BY SCOTT UNDERWOOD - - - - 1. Twelve men sit around a conference-room table. All but one are older, distinguished, wearing suits and large cowboy hats. At the end of the table, the leader is presenting a cowboy hat to a younger, unhatted man. "Wilson, we've decided to make you a pardner." Or maybe "We'll just call you 'pardner.'" Or even "Put it there, pardner." I don't know. Something to do with businessmen or lawyers and the word "pardner." 2. Two guys are sitting on a desert island with their backs against a single palm tree. "I miss blogging." Or, no, wait, maybe one of them is standing near the water with a bottle at his feet, reading a letter. "It's from the former treasurer of Nigeria." You know, making fun of those fraud e-mails. But on paper. Or maybe something else involving the Internet, which you don't get on desert islands. "It's a good deal on vi_jgra" or "I wonder what Google is doing." 3. Four stylish women in a cluster at a cocktail party, all but one eyeing a handsome man in conversation nearby. "Well, I'm just not that into him, either." Or some other recent culture reference. Or something involving wine, or Europe. 4. A small, timid man faces his large, sinister-looking boss across an enormous desk. "Jenkins, I've decided to kill you and eat you for lunch. Just kidding. What do you want?" Maybe too dark? 5. A doctor is talking to a man in an exam room. They have these every time. Something about the medical bill, or insurance. Or maybe the patient could have duck feet or antennae and there's a joke about that. "Yes, Mr. Martin, that is an odd side effect." That's good. Should be simple. 6. Two guys hanging on the wall in a dungeon talking to a guard with a whip, who says something funny. Or, what's the other one—in the desert? Yeah, two guys crawling in the hot sand, desperate for water, their clothes shredded, sun beating down, vultures circling overhead. But funny. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - In-Progress Ideas for New Yorker Cartoons By Scott Underwood Taking My Personal Demons Out to Lunch at the Olive Garden By Andy Braaksma Traveling Europe in Style With Auckland Dingiroo, Dark-Age Tourist and Critic of Food and Drink By John Hallmann A Grinning, Leering Skull! Wilford Brimley Asks for Splenda By Jeff Barnosky

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL