Highlights
of the 2004-2005
NHL Season.
- - - -
October 22
Scott Walker of the Nashville Predators returns home from his T-Mobile outlet with a somewhat better idea of how his charges have gotten so high.
October 29
New York Islander Alexei Yashin completes his course work for "How to Become a Master Communicator" at the New York City Learning Annex.
November 6
Atlanta Thrashers' points leader Ilya Kovalchuk hits eight straight green
lights on his way to his library's once-monthly used-book sale. They always have some good Asimov in hardcover.
November 17
Los Angeles King goalie Roman Cechmanek stops 31 shots on goal in a 2-0 shutout victory over his Internet nemesis "dHasek4evah" in an online game of "EA Sports NHL 2005."
December 3
Rod Brind'Amour of the Carolina Hurricanes makes it through dinner with his
parents without either of them spitting food into their napkins.
December 11
For being the 14th caller into KISS 106 FM, Dallas Stars captain Mike Modano wins a copy of Kelly Clarkson's new CD Breakaway.
December 25
Pat Quinn, coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, gets a great sweater from his wife for Christmas.
December 27
Despite not having his receipt, the Buffalo Sabres' Miroslav Satan successfully returns a snowblower to Home Depot for a full refund.
January 10
Detroit Red Wing star Steve Yzerman finally feels confident about his resolution to become a vegan.
January 13
Trevor Letowski of the Columbus Blue Jackets arrives at Blockbuster in time to rent the last available copy of Without a Paddle.
January 25
Casey Poapst, the 9-year-old son of Chicago Blackhawk defenseman Steve Poapst, tells his father he wants to be a dancer in the Savion Glover tradition when he grows up.
February 7
Boston Bruin center Joe Thornton watches an episode of 24 and becomes transfixed by the enigmatic beauty of star Shohreh Aghdashloo.
February 12
Commissioner Gary Bettman finds that there are more rolls of paper towels in
the garage. He feared he was out.
February 16
By getting his fifth friend to sign up for an online promotional offer, the Phoenix Coyotes' Peter Nedved earns himself a free iPod.
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Highlights of the 2004-2005 NHL Season By Christopher Monks
B.R. Cohen's Annals of Science, Volume VII By B.R. Cohen
Rejected York Peppermint Pattie Commercial Blurbs By Don Pizarro
A Memo Distributed Among the "Project Loverboy" Staff, Regarding "Turn Me Loose" By John Moe
My Family's Power Rankings By Christopher Monks
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.