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Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!

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Reading-Too-Much-Into-Things Comprehension. BY GEOFF HAGGERTY - - - - All questions will have more than one correct answer. Please choose the BEST response for each question. Paragraph A: Her leg brushed up against yours. Questions 1-24 will be based on Paragraph A. 1. Did she do that on purpose? a) Yes. b) No. c) Maybe. d) Don't know. 2. Why would she do that? a) She still loves you. b) She still likes you. c) She still wants to have sex with you. d) She still wants you to think one of the above. 3. Wait. Did she even notice it? a) Maybe. b) It doesn't look like it. c) She's just pretending not to notice. d) Don't know. 4. Maybe she did it subconsciously? a) She wants you back. b) She feels what you feel and doesn't know how to express it either. You can learn together. c) Maybe. d) No, she did it on purpose. 5. She's probably just teasing you. a) Probably. b) No, she wouldn't do that. c) Maybe she did it to tease you but forgot how much it would hurt you and regretted it immediately. d) Maybe. 6. Why would she do that? a) To give herself an ego boost. b) Always liked to see you suffer. c) Because she can and she knows you can't do anything about it. Not can't. Won't. d) Don't know. 7. Her leg is still touching yours. a) Ooh! b) She's evil. c) She probably thinks it's just the table leg. d) Don't know. 8. Now she's waggling it up and down. a) Oh my God. b) She's evil. c) She definitely thinks it's just the table leg. d) It's more of a nervous tremble than a waggle. 9. Should you move your leg away? a) Yes. b) Yes, but it feels so good. c) Maybe. d) Just don't know. 10. She probably doesn't even notice. a) She has to notice. b) Move it anyway, to show that you're being considerate, even if she doesn't notice. c) But wouldn't moving it make her notice your legs were touching and then she might think that you put your leg there on purpose? d) Grah! Don't know! 11. Isn't that a little weird that you want to keep your leg touching hers? a) Yes. b) YES. c) She smells amazing. d) Yes. 12. But is it really weird? You're a human being after all. a) Yeah, but aren't we supposed to be more civilized? b) Tactile comfort is essential according to Harry Harlow. c) Yes and barely. d) Don't frickin' know. 13. Why isn't she making eye contact? a) She notices your dumb leg. b) Because you've been thinking about your dumb leg instead of talking to her. c) You're ugly. d) Honestly, at this point you need to get your life in order before worrying about small things like that. 14. She's probably thinking about someone else. a) Definitely. 15. Someone better than you. a) Yup. Vocabulary 16. In this paragraph, what does "brushed up against" mean? a) gently grazed b) banged clumsily into c) kicked d) might not have brushed up against True/False. Indicate whether the following statements are true or false. 17. You're too good for her. 18. Even if she asked you back you would say no. 19. You're probably not ready for a relationship right now anyway. 20. She's gotten fat. 21. You shouldn't have to pay, right? She invited you. Essay questions: 22. What's wrong with you? 23. When will things start going your way? 24. Get a job. Paragraph B: She just asked what your friend Jake was up to lately. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Reading-Too-Much-Into-Things Comprehension By Geoff Haggerty When Dakota Fanning Travels to Spain for a Junior Semester Abroad, She Will Take Full Advantage of the Experience By Sarah Walker Super Bowl Lore By Adam Underhill A Letter Between Siblings Who Lived in the House Described in "Our House" by Madness By John Moe Commandments the Almighty Decided to Drop in His Seventh Revision So As Not to Overwhelm His Chosen People By Derek Breen

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