Lists, Here.- - - - REASONS I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M FAMILY WHEN AT THE OLIVE GARDEN. The hostess never hints that she'd really like it if I went to law school. The busboy is always very polite about denying my requests for money. The waiter never hits me, pulls my hair, or tells on me for things I never did. The manager never cheats on my dad. The dishwashers don't like it when I hug them goodbye. - - - - THINGS THAT ARE JUST BARELY THICKER THAN PETER GALLAGHER'S EYEBROWS. The Oxford English Dictionary Molasses The writers of ESPN's original series Tilt A bull shark's skin Osmium, the densest metal on the planet Thieves The skull of Jon Runyan, the right tackle for the Philadelphia Eagles A chocolate milkshake from Ruby Tuesday - - - - PICKUP LINES USED BY MARIO. "Are you a magic feather? Because my heart just grew a tail, and flew away." "If you were a warp tube, I'd be in you all day." "Are you a magic mushroom? Because you are making me grow." "Are you a magic flower? Because you are burning me up." "I'd rather ride you than Yoshi any day." "If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago." "If I had the choice, I would gladly spend my 100 coins on you instead of on an extra life." "You don't have to turn on a game to play with me." "They don't call me Super for nothing." - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Lists, HereThe Facts of Winter Embarrassing Things That Might Happen to You While Using a Lightsaber By Patrick Cassels Salvador Plascencia's The People of Paper The LISTSERV By Rick Stoeckel |
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