A SELECTION FROM GEORGE W. BUSH'S EAVESDROPPING TAPES: MATTHEW BARNEY AND BJÖRK PLACE AN IKEA PHONE ORDER. BY CHRIS MCCOY - - - - MATTHEW BARNEY: (On phone.) Matthew. Barney. Sure. It's called the Flärke. F-L-A-R-K-E. It's a bookshelf. BJÖRK: (In background.) Ask if they have an aluminum igloo. MATTHEW BARNEY: (Muffled.) I'm on hold. I'll check when he gets back on. BJÖRK: (Giggling.) Imagine if clouds were made of licorice! MATTHEW BARNEY: Flärke. With an umlaut over the a. Also, my wife was curious if you sold aluminum ... Yes, I can hold again. BJÖRK: The winter makes me feel particularly blinkered. MATTHEW BARNEY: The Flärke is in stock? Great. Another quick question. My wife is Scandinavian and she was wondering if you had any aluminum ... All right, I can hold. BJÖRK: Icelanders complete the echo with feel. MATTHEW BARNEY: You're kidding me. If you can't deliver it, why do you have the option to order by phone? BJÖRK: Pandas are sexy. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - A Selection From George W. Bush's Eavesdropping Tapes: Matthew Barney and Björk Place an Ikea Phone Order By Chris McCoy Yes Frontman Jon Anderson's Instructions to His Dogsitter By Eric Feezell The 4-Year-Old on a Blind Date By Ross Murray Clue Confessions By Jim Stallard Fondling Your Muse: Fighting Procrastination By John Warner

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL