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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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CONVERSATIONS I'VE HAD
DURING A NORMAL DAY
IN LOS ANGELES,
MODIFIED TO
INCLUDE THE SHOCKING
DEPICTION OF RACISM
FOUND IN PAUL HAGGIS'S
2005 FILM CRASH.

BY BRENDON LLOYD

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ME: Are we working tonight?

CO-WORKER: Yeah.

ME: This sucks.

CO-WORKER: I can't freakin' stand those Indians.

ME: I'm part Cherokee.

CO-WORKER: Then why don't you go smoke a peace pipe and get the hell out of my country?

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FRIEND: How was work?

ME: Not bad. The usual stuff. Yourself?

FRIEND: I sure hate those Mexicans.

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WAITER: Can I take your order?

ME: I'll have the club sandwich, easy on the mayo.

WAITER: To drink?

ME: Why are you people always asking me what I want to drink?

WAITER: What?

ME: You heard me.

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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

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Conversations I've Had During a Normal Day in Los Angeles, Modified to Include the Shocking Depiction of Racism Found in Paul Haggis's 2005 Film Crash By Brendon Lloyd
1997: The Year Tooth Whitening Broke By Dan Kennedy
Those Wacky Htoo Twins By Lawrence Weschler
Tom Cruise Speaks at Official Unveiling of Zoo's New Tiger Enclosure By Chris Norton
Ongoing Roadblocks in the Mongoose-Cobra Peace Process By Bob Woodiwiss

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Memories of Amanda Davis




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SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

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SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

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KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

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YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

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DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
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ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

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