THE ELEMENTS OF
SUBWAY-ANNOUNCEMENT
STYLE.
BY KEN KRIMSTEIN
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27. When making a plural, always use the "grrwph" ending.
For example:
Passnengers are alerted that mrrrbbks fewissshs grrwph.
29. Avoid the passive voice at all costs.
33. The past participle of "DDrpfh" is "VVrressh."
37. When announcing that a train is going out of service, use this phrase:
Attention, pasfrewr, yrtrh frring now to the vcnekls line until qwrlirp fmstoit.
42. Never confuse "sheefihrrsh" with "shhheeefurth."
For example:
"The Grreephunlx is frisht service all passenger sheefihrrsh" has a totally different meaning than "The Grreephunlx is frisht service all passenger shhheeefurth."
Do not be cavalier about this. Lives depend on you.
53. If you must slur words, make sure they're unimportant words, like "etThh," "ytrpb," and "pfro."
73. If there's one rule you must remember, it is this: Frrresh smlt wqu thisp vlmngrtcx.
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
The Elements of Subway-Announcement Style By Ken Krimstein
Out of Office AutoReply By Jim Stallard
Still Kicking: The Very Authorized Biography of Steven Seagal, Volume II, Pgs. 567–568 By Jared Bloom
Softening the Saddle While Hardening the Earth By Dr. Lawyer IndianChief
Commencement Speech, Whitney Houston, East Southern University, June 9, 2006 By Jen Michalski
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