YESTERDAY'S
BOOK REPORTS
FROM TODAY'S
NOTABLES.
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Alice in Wonderland
MATT McCONAUGHEY, OCTOBER 14, 1985
Alice in Wonderland is about this girl's trippy adventures in a far-out place called "Wonderland." There are all these weird dudes running around. Like there's this freaky Cheshire cat and even a caterpillar smoking a hookah. No, really. A hookah. That's in the movie. I mean, the book. I read the book.
My favorite part is where Alice sees some cake that has a sign that says "Eat me." "Eat me!" The sign says "Eat me." Seriously.
After Alice goes on a few more "trips," she meets this total buzz-kill queen who's, like, all about harshing everyone's mellow. She sucks. If I were Alice, I'd tell the queen to smoke some of that caterpillar's hookah.
Anyway, then she wakes up and everything's over. The book was pretty cool, but I don't think it's cool that this Lewis Carroll ripped off Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit." I mean, not cool at all, y'know? That song has a caterpillar and a queen in it, too. And it rocks.
The Jungle
RALPH NADER, DECEMBER 2, 1951
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair details corporate America's abuses in the meat-packing industry. The book, published in 1906, caused a major uproar and led to the passage of the Pure Food and Drug Act that same year. At one point in the book, a factory worker falls into a meat grinder, but the plant processes the meat anyway. Supposedly, that doesn't happen anymore, but I still think Sinclair was a failure. The Pure Food and Drug Act doesn't do nearly enough. And it seems corporate America has only gotten worse.
Sinclair also ran for Congress unsuccessfully a few times. If he really wanted to make a difference, he should have run for president. He still would have lost, but hopefully he could have frustrated the campaign of a good and qualified man, thereby saddling this stupid country with a horrible president to punish apathetic Americans for their indifference. Anyway, someone should do that.
A Separate Peace
MATT DAMON, FEBRUARY 8, 1986
I really related to this book. It's about two best friends who go to a respected New England school: an earnest, responsible student named Gene and a carefree, inexplicably successful student named Finny. Even though it didn't make any sense to me that a guy like Finny could go to a respected New England school, I still liked this book. Especially the part where Gene pushes Finny out of a tree and Finny breaks his leg.
Finny is too busy having fun to notice that there's evil in the world. He doesn't even believe Gene when Gene confesses to pushing Finny out of the tree on purpose. That actually works out great, because Finny runs away and breaks his leg again. But this time marrow enters his bloodstream and kills him. I think this means that people who are too lazy and irresponsible to know what's going on deserve to die, even if they're your friend. And that people who study hard and go to good schools will be successful even if they're friends with an idiot they wish were dead.
The Trial
CHRIS HANSEN, OCTOBER 12, 1982
This book by Franz Kafka is about a man, Joseph K., who is ultimately executed for some crime. We never learn what that crime is, and the book starts with the author telling us that Joseph K. was arrested because someone was "spreading rumors" about him.
Still, people don't come looking for you unless you've done something wrong, right? I think Franz Kafka never tells the reader what Joseph K. did because the book was published in 1925 and you probably couldn't talk about sex crimes back then. I mean, it seems pretty obvious that Joseph K. was propositioning teens for sex. Why else would he be held up to ridicule in front of his landlady, family, and employer without the benefit of any kind of legal representation?
At one point in the book, Joseph K. speaks out against the system that sits in judgment of him. But that's precisely how you know he's guilty. I liked this book a lot. It made me feel good because I'm not Joseph K.
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
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Yesterday's Book Reports From Today's Notables By Wayne Gladstone
Embryoyo: An Introduction
Some Other Zapruder Films By Robert Isenberg
Goofs Found in Hot and Horny Cheerleaders 5, According to the Internet Movie Database By Mike Richardson-Bryan
Regarding My Job Description By Jim Stallard
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