THREE
SELECTIONS FROM
THE MASOCHIST'S
COOKBOOK.
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Prosciutto Wrapped Around Fruit
Place thin strips of prosciutto di Parma around apple or melon cubes. Have a guest call you dirty names while slapping you in the face with any extra meat slices. Great appetizer for picnics.
Cinnamon Spiced Pecans
With Orange Rum Glaze
2 1/2 cups raw pecans
1 cup rum
2 tsp. light-brown sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
zest of 1 orange
Toast pecans at 350 degrees for 5 min. In a large saucepan, add rum, sugar, salt, cinnamon, and zest. Bring to a rolling boil. At this point, you may want to call 911. Remove pants. Bite down on an oven mitt and pour scalding glaze mixture over genitals.
Serves: 4
Cornish Game Hen
With Mushroom Sauce
and Red Potatoes
2 Cornish game hens
4 red potatoes, quartered
2 cups beef broth
1 cup diced onion
1/2 cup shiitake mushrooms
5 tsp. all-purpose flour
2 tsp. butter
Clean and dice mushrooms, and soak in cold water. Drain. In a large pan, sauté mushrooms and onions in butter. Add beef broth. Thicken with flour, and bring to boil. Take shoe and sock off right foot. Place game hens, potatoes, and foot in a shallow roasting pan. Cover with sauce. Roast at 375 degrees until you reach orgasm.
Serves: 8–10
Wine pairing: Full-bodied Merlot.
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Three Selections From The Masochist's Cookbook By Jeff Michaels
Nostalgic Remembrances of Things That Haven't Happened Yet By Eric Wiener
Ivan Lendl, Former Tennis Champion and Current Landscape-Painting Teacher in the Goshen, Connecticut, Community Center By Teddy Wayne
The Believer June/July Music Issue Is Here
Accounts of My More Notable Childhood Street Fights, Written Not by Me but by Totally Unbiased Eyewitnesses By Eric Feezell
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