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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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MY LIFE, REWRITTEN AS A CHINESE TAKEOUT MENU AND SLIPPED, UNWANTED, UNDER MY DOOR. BY MATT MARINOVICH - - - - GRAND REOPENING! Appetizers Insomnia..............................................................$2.00 Weird Dream (4).................................................$4.00 Loud Barking Downstairs.....................................$1.20 Cold Bathroom....................................................$1.20 Pain in Neck........................................................$4.00 Hangover.............................................................$1.10 Angry Wife..........................................................$3.25 Dirty Diaper.........................................................$1.10 Side Orders                                        (Sm.)        (Lg.) Plain Financial Anxiety.........................$1.00        $2.00 Crispy Fear of Death...........................$1.00        $2.00 Black Mold..........................................................$2.00 Sweet and Sour (Served with Plain Financial Anxiety.) Girl at pastry shop stops flirting with you when she sees ring................................................$9.75 Baby daughter paints funny picture of you on brand-new 46-inch 1080p HDTV.........................$9.75 Combo Platter (Served with Plain Financial Anxiety or Crispy Fear of Death.) Take Out the Trash and Give Finger to Speeding Driver................................................$6.75 Give Finger to Speeding Driver and Run in Park.....$6.75 Run in Park and Loud Barking Downstairs.............$6.75 Loud Barking Downstairs and Take Out the Trash...............................................................$6.75 Give Finger to Barking Downstairs and Throw Trash at Speeding Driver.......................................$6.75 Chef's Specials Dragon and Phoenix..............................................$9.25 Argument with wife cannot be won; stop fantasizing about her seeking forgiveness. Seven Stars Around the Moon...............................$9.25 Long e-mail to well-connected friend requesting work has bounced yet again. Four Seasons........................................................$9.25 A strange sense that time is moving faster and faster and you are accomplishing less and less. Triple Delight.........................................................$9.25 Postman hands you shrink-wrapped parcel, has no idea it contains pornographic DVD, no one home. Happy Family........................................................$9.25 Wife elated after you agree to go on medication permanently, despite sexual side effects. Please: No substitutions. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - My Life, Rewritten as a Chinese Takeout Menu and Slipped, Unwanted, Under My Door By Matt Marinovich More Truly Groundbreaking Copywriting By Dan Kennedy The 4-Year-Old Finds Religion By Ross Murray Instructions for the Proper Care and Feeding of the Chosen One By Gregory Farley Ishmael the Comedian By Teddy Wayne

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL