ERIC CLAPTON'S
CENSORED SONG LIST
IN NORTH KOREA.
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In the spirit of cultural diplomacy, Eric Clapton has been invited to perform a concert in North Korea in 2009.
Wonderful Tonight
It's late on another glorious evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on just a modest amount of makeup, and brushes her unpretentiously short black hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful—but not wonderful in a seductive way—tonight."
Tears in Heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in some socialist paradise in the afterlife?
Would it be the same
Again, if I saw you in some socialist paradise in the afterlife?
Layla
Layla, you've got me off my knees.
Layla, I'm not begging, there's no such thing as begging here, only juche, darling, please.
Layla darling, no need to ease my perfectly content and never-worried mind.
Cocaine
If you got bad news (which does not exist), you wanna kick them blues (ditto).
Unlike Americans, don't do cocaine.
When your day is done and you wanna stay. Go home.
No Korean has ever tried cocaine.
Pretending
Working on the glorious sound of the band,
Getting the music perfectly right.
Two go out proudly working long hours.
No one needs to stay home at night.
That's when she said she was not pretending.
Of course, she knows the plan.
That's when I knew she was not pretending.
Pretending not to understand. (What is there not to understand?)
Bad Love
Oh what a feeling I get when I'm at a state rally.
It takes my heart into everything I do,
And it makes me sad for the lonely people like Americans.
I walked that road for so long.
Now I know that I'm one of the lucky people.
My love for country is making me strong.
I've never had bad love.
Kim Jong Il is someone I can be proud of.
I've never had bad love.
No more—no such thing—bad love.
It's in the Way That You Use It
I've never seen dark skies, never in this country.
Walked on some thick and sturdy ice, never like this.
I've never told you white lies. (What are those?)
Looked into true eyes, never like this.
It's in the way that you use it.
It comes and it never goes. (Nothing does.)
It's in the way that you use it,
Boy (and girl), don't you know.
Before You Accuse Me
Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself.
Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself.
You say I've been spending my money on nuclear weapons.
You've been taking money from someone else.
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Eric Clapton's Censored Song List in North Korea By Lionel Beehner
Eleven Grievances By James A.W. Shaw
"Page Six" Gets Extremely Personal By Teddy Wayne
Selected Entries From The Encyclopedia of the 21st-Century American By Chuck Adams
You've Got to Watch The Wire By Scott Blaszak
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