AMAZON.COM'S
RECOMMENDATION
ALGORITHM APPLIED
TO LIFE EVENTS.
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Customers who just got fired also had this happen:
The commencement of a vigorous job search
An abundance of time to travel
An unappreciated talent for heavy drinking and sleeping until noon
The stealing of condiments and toilet paper from the neighborhood diner
What do customers ultimately do after this experience?
Make appointments with headhunters
Renew their passports
Get out of their pajamas before 9 p.m.
Community service due to incriminating surveillance footage
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Customers who had just broken up with their boyfriends also had this happen:
A discovery of newfound freedom
An appreciation for having loved and lost
An intense desire for ice cream, vodka, and revenge
A charge of stalking and a subsequent warrant for their arrest
What do customers ultimately do after this experience?
Go out and have fun with girlfriends
Take up a new hobby
A series of 12-step programs
One to three with good behavior
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Customers who had just been asked to be bridesmaids for the ninth time also had this happen:
A deepening of their friendship bond
A belief that a soulmate really does exist for all
A sudden fear of harming oneself and others
An overnight stay for psychiatric evaluation
What do customers ultimately do after this experience?
Excitedly plan a shower and a bachelorette party
Try on dresses and shoes
Two milligrams of Xanax twice a day
Shun sharp objects, line-dancing, and calligraphers
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Amazon.com's Recommendation Algorithm Applied to Life Events By Maribeth Mooney
Quién Es Caliente? Getting Your RateMyProfessors.com Chili Pepper By John Warner
Vegan Hikers Lost on Meatball Mountain Turn to Cannibalism By David Henne
Benjy Compson Seeks Directions to Waffle House By Jimmy Chen
Yogi Berra Is Deeper Than You Thought By Rosser Clark
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