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Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!

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NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS. BY KENT WOODYARD - - - - Obi-Wan dies; Han and Chewbacca save Skywalker A summary of the last forty-five minutes of Star Wars Episode IV, and a mnemonic for the starting lineup of the Houston Rockets' 1995 NBA championship team (Olajuwon, Drexler, Horry, Cassell, and Smith). - - - - Ahhhhh! Aaoooww! Stop-it!!! Anyone?! A-little-help-here!?! AHHHHH! Ewww-there-goes- my-leg!! Noooo!! AHHHHHHH!! Cries for help during a bear mauling and a mnemonic for the seven continents in order of Olympic medal count from least to greatest (Antarctica, Australia, South America, Africa, Asia, Europe, North America). - - - - Dear Cheating Asshole, We're through. Love (Hahaha! − kidding), Beth Gardner An e-mail from my ex-girlfriend notifying me that she knew about me and her roommate, and a mnemonic for all eight Secretaries General of the United Nations (de Cueller, Annan, Waldheim, Thant, Lie, Hammarskjöld, Ki-moon, Boutros-Ghali). - - - - "Good Riddance," "Sabotage," "Lump," "Poison," "Alive," and "Jump Around." Several popular songs from the 1990's and a mnemonic for Brad Pitt's romantic intrigues − in chronological order (Givens, (Robin); Schoelen; Lewis; Paltrow; Aniston; Jolie, (Angelina)). - - - - What about Jersey? Mafioso, murderers, addicts, juvenile vagrants, Bon Jovi. Here they praise these felonious people. Blighted little Jersey: guns, hookers, Goombas, Atlantic City. "Come home, criminal miscreants" reads the tourism website. And here come the hucksters, racketeers, trannies, and every korrupt-cop. Jersey, news flash: Criminals rarely benefit children, businesses, or organizations. A short essay on the socio-political climate in New Jersey and a mnemonic for the last names of all 44 American presidents. - - - - Montreal, North Vancouver, Edmonton, Mississauga, Ottawa, Niagara Falls, Iqaluit, and Calgary. A selection of tour stops from the Barenaked Ladies' memorable Canadian tour (summer '97) and a mnemonic for the correct spelling of "mnemonic." - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Non-Essential Mnemonics By Kent Woodyard Welcome to Our Branding House By Frank Ferri Great Moments in Cinema Ruined By Cookies By Benjamin Percy John Moe's Pop-Song Correspondences, Volume XX: A Memo From the Head Nurse Regarding Proper Care of Patients Born Bad to the Bone By John Moe Declarations of Conjugal Interest from the Massachusetts Federalist, 1733 By Steve Etheridge

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN EXCERPTS FROM THE PANORAMA SOLUTIONS TO BENJAMIN TAUSIG'S THREE-DEMENSIONAL CROSSWORD PUZZLE IN THE SAN FRANCISCO PANORAMA ABOUT A VERY BAD WIZARD ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL