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FROM THE FILES
OF TRAIG & MCGRATH,
SHUT-IN DETECTIVES:
CASE 44.
BY JENNY TRAIG AND PETER MCGRATH
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Some time ago, Peter McGrath and Jenny Traig, cousins, left their jobs to become self-declared shut-ins. They quickly discovered that even the shut-in's life is full of many small mysteries. More recently, they discovered that the annals of history are full of much larger ones, and decided to turn their agoraphobic crime-solving skills to the great
historical mysteries. Herewith, a case from their Historical Files.
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#44: The Case of the Missing Grand Duchess
Status: Solved
In 1986, the Russian royal family, the Romanovs, were executed in a palace
coup. The body of the 5-year-old daughter, Patty, was never found, and
over the years a number of young women have come forward claiming to be
she. Jenny, of Russian descent herself, is one of these young women, and is
eager to have her theory proved so she may reclaim her dominion over the
Russian Empire.
"Are you high?" Peter asked. "First of all, the missing Romanov daughter's
name was Anastasia, not Patty, the execution occurred in 1918, not 1986, and
you were most certainly not 5 in 1986 yourself. I think you've got
Anastasia confused with Patty Hearst, and you're not her, either."
Jenny was not dissuaded. "Brown hair, unusually short, with bad digestion
and bunions," said Jenny. "That is so me. Plus, didn't those people suffer
from hemophilia? I'm pretty sure I've got that. Look at this bruise."
"But they found Anastasia," Peter countered. "She died with the rest of
them. They found the bodies, like, 15 years ago. They did DNA analysis.
She was interred in 1998."
"And Patty?"
"She was freed in 1979 and is now alive and well in Connecticut."
The mystery was solved. Anastasia was dead, Patty Hearst was accounted for,
and Jenny, apparently, was neither of them. But the cousins concluded she
might well be adopted, on account of the bunions, because no one else in
their family has that.
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