Please welcome Amy Jean Porter's horse T-shirt. For the next few days, the shirt is 20 percent off. - - - -

M c S W E E N E Y ' S B R A I N   E X P L O D E R : A N S W E R S . - - - - HOW YOU GELLIN'? July 16 Last week, we asked McSweeney's readers to tell us the specific manner in which Liberian President Charles Taylor might be gellin' and we received hundreds of replies. The most common guess was some variation of "like a war crimes felon" but only one person, T.G. Gibbon, was able to provide us with the answer we were looking for: (Charles Taylor is) "Gellin' like a despot who came to power the same year I won my high school chess championship in a brutally one-sided match against Israeli exchange student Elron Yellin." We received many excellent runners up, however: BEST ATTEMPT TO AVOID USING THE WORD "FELON" Gellin' like a war crimes appellant. — Seth Blaylock BEST REFERENCE TO THE MAN WITH THE ODDEST JOB OF THE 1980'S Gellin' like The People's Court's Doug Llewelyn. — David Willems BEST ANNOTATED PART I Gellin' like superglue, cause paper stick to him like kids to watermelon. (true: his nickname is superglue because paper i.e. money seems to stick to him.) — Brent Hoff BEST EXPOSE OF AN UNDERREPORTED ASPECT OF THE CRISIS Gellin' like his people's lack of penicillin. — Lionel Beehner BEST "THE WEEK"-STYLE SYNOPSIS Gellin' like a warlord whose opponent-fellin', diamond-sellin' antics have set a lot of pre-teens to rebellin'. — T.G. Gibbon BEST ANSWER WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT REFER TO THE AUTHOR'S IMMEDIATE CIRCUMSTANCES Gellin' like there are people outside my window yellin'. — Michael Wall BEST ANSWER MAKING NO MORE OR LESS SENSE THAN THE ORIGINAL COMMERCIALS Gellin' like seedless watermelon — Srin Murthy BEST ATTEMPT TO NEGOTIATE A SOLUTION, RHYMING BE DAMNED Gellin' in the South of France in exile'in — Adam Hardin BEST REFERENCE TO EIGHTH GRADE HISTORY As a leader who has consistently been wrapped up in imbroglios, insurrections, and questions of colonialism, I reckon that Charles Taylor is gellin' like Magellan. — Nat Logar MOST WELCOME ARI FLEISCHER REFERENCE "Gellin' like the old lady who pisses (off) Ari Fleischer named Helen", — Tom Keiser BEST ATTEMPT AT A LIMERICK Liberian President Charles Taylor Is gellin' Like someone avoiding a Samuel Doe-style killin', Where at his ears some fool is flailin' With a razor while he's yellin' And later on, videos of it they be sellin'. — Joe Miguez MOST SURPRISING DEVELOPMENT: ONLY ONE ANSWER OF HUNDREDS REFERENCED A CERTAIN BRAND OF CANVAS SNEAKERS Gellin' like a fool who thinks that his shoes are what all the cool kids are wearin'. — Frederick D. LaBrecque BEST UNGRAMMATICAL ATTEMPT AT MAKING LEMONADE FROM LEMONS Gellin' like a string-bikini with Gisele in. — Lionel Beehner MOST INTERESTING NEW INTERPRETATION OF THE ILIAD Gellin' like the U.S. was Menelaus and he kidnapped Helen. — Taylor Cope BEST COMBINATION OF FOLK WISDOM AND APOCALYPTIC REVELATION Gellin' like a man giving us a new handbasket to go to hell in. — TG Gibbon BEST REFERENCE TO THE BRAIN EXPLODERÕS FAVORITE SCALE OF TEMPERATURE MEASUREMENT Charles Taylor is 'Gellin like a deposed dictator whose country forgoes Fahrenheit in favor of Kelvin. — Scott Newcomb BEST ANNOTATED PART II Gellin' like the black market diamonds he be stealin' and sellin (primarily to DeBeers Inc, actually.) — Brent Hoff BEST REFERENCE TO THE BEN CURTIS OF THE 1984 OSCARS Gellin' like Haing S. Ngor in the Fields of Killin'. — Brian Shuman BEST REFERENCE TO A GUY WE HAD TO GOOGLE Gellin' like Nigerian President Obasanjo Olusegun. — Tom van den Bout     MORE BRAIN EXPLODERS

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DEB OLIN UNFERTH'S SICK OF THE REVOLUTION DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL