D I S P A T C H E S   F R O M A   P U B L I C   L I B R A R I A N BY SCOTT DOUGLAS - - - - Dispatch 15 (2/15/05) Corny Library Pickup Lines, and How Librarians Effectively Shoot Them Down Pardon me, could you please tell me what kind of card I need to check you out? Visa, MasterCard, or American Express. You must have been burning books, because you're looking hot. My apologizes—the new Harry Potter is coming out and I was in the back burning the Newbery winners to make room for it. Can you tell me where I can find books on overcoming a deeply passionate love I have for a librarian? 636.45 MICH. Libraries should allow food in the building, because right now I could just eat you up. Policy is policy, but if you'd really like to change that, the appropriate forms are behind you—just drop it in the suggestion box when you're done, and in due time it will be pulled out and set in the loser pile. I know what I need to access the Internet, but what do I need to access your heart? A life. What book would you recommend to help me sweep you off your feet? How to Divorce a Jealous Mad Person. Can you tell me how to spell love? I'm writing a letter to you. Do you mean the agape love, or the love you have for someone you don't have a chance of ever getting? Can you settle a bet? My friend says librarians have no life, but I say they're wild beasts. Can I take you out to dinner and prove my friend wrong? Tell your friend he's right. - - - - MORE DISPATCHES

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