D I S P A T C H E S F R O M
A P U B L I C L I B R A R I A N .
BY SCOTT DOUGLAS
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Dispatch 25 (2/28/07)
Troubleshooting Library Computer Problems
Problem: The USB won't go in.
Solution: Take off the cap.
Problem: I don't see the cursor.
Solution: Turn on the computer.
Problem 1.0: I need to e-mail this document.
Solution 1.0: Open up your e-mail and send it as an attachment.
Problem 1.1: I don't have e-mail ... I just need to send it to them. Can't I do that?
Solution 1.1: No.
Problem: I have a 100-page document that I need to print, but I have my own paper, so why do I still have to pay?
Solution: Because trees can be cut down for free by some guy hoping to destroy the Amazon rainforest. Ink takes a little more effort.
Problem: The numbers won't type.
Solution: Push down on the number-lock key.
Problem: The keyboard doesn't have elfish characters.
Solution: Freak.
Problem: I cannot play Pogo.
Solution: Have you tried a dating service? There really are better things to do with your time; sure, you're ugly, but there has to be someone desperate enough.
Problem: Where's the "any" key?
Solution: Type the following: I-D-I-O-T.
Problem: Your library won't let me into my Yahoo! mail.
Solution: Try typing it Y-A-H-O-O, not Y-A-H-O-A.
Problem: This ad tells me I have won an iPod Nano.
Solution: Go for the gold, and give them your Social Security number to claim your prize.
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