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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama
.

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D I S P A T C H E S   F R O M
A   P U B L I C   L I B R A R I A N

BY SCOTT DOUGLAS

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Dispatch 5 (4/22/04)

Tax Day
Number of patrons on April 16 who asked, "When is the last day to file my 2003 tax return?": 5

Number of patrons on April 17 who asked, "When is the last day to file my 2003 tax return?": 1

Lost & Found
Blue gym shorts
One toddler shoe (right foot)
Handwritten poem (untitled)
Black wallet (no cash or identification)

Rate Me
This week the apparent "it" site for kids is ratingpictures.com. This is a curious site that teaches kids how to be shallow. Visitors to the site rate pictures of people based on what they look like. The scale is a one-to-ten format with one being the ugliest and ten being the prettiest. When asked why they spend hours at this site, the most common response was "It's fun." The average age of kids viewing the site was fifth to eighth grade. None of the kids suspected that the pictures were of real, actual people; to them the people were fake, and therefore had no feelings.

Series Books
Total number of available copies of books in the series:
Harry Potter series: 87 (hardback and paperback)
Left Behind for Kids series: 34 (paperback)
Captain Underpants series: 51 (hardback and paperback)
Baby-sitters Club series: 78 (paperback)
Series of Unfortunate Events series: 26 (hardback)
Star Wars series: 43 (paperback)
Magic Tree House series: 69 (hardback and paperback)
Goosebumps series: 19 (paperback)
Mary Kate & Ashley series: 37 (paperback)

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LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

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REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

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DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS

NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS

BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING

DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY
TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE


GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY

THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER

OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS


REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE

LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX

NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR
AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS


B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM

CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ

AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS


GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES

SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

ABOUT THE WILD THINGS

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT FEVER CHART

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT ZEITOUN

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL
TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY


E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO,
DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK


JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

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