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I Think My Soulmate Has Done Hard Time. BY JERRY RENEK, MARTY SHIELDS, JOHN GARSIDE, AND KEITH LANDAU - - - - Her toilet is in the middle of the living room. She insists dinner be served through the mail slot. Her toothbrush doubles as a shiv. Sex costs two packs of smokes. She leaves home through a secret tunnel. She's always critiquing the craftsmanship of license plates. Tawny Kitaen is No. 1 on her speed dial. She gets a faraway look in her eyes whenever she passes a highway work crew. Our arguments always end with her threatening to lawyer up. Her freezer is full of human heads. Lots of jumpsuits. Never skydives.   MORE LISTS

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