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Issue 35 is nearly here, in all its disappearing-ink glory.
For a very limited time, subscribe to the Quarterly, starting with
Issue 35, and get a FREE Better of McSweeney's, Vol. II.
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Universal Invoice For A Manhattan Child's Birthday Party.- - - - (Check all that apply.) Invitations $100 Invitation Embossing $300 Website Design & Maintenance $2,000 New York Times Announcement $750 Welcome Balloons $119 Welcome Blimp $2,400 Valet Stroller Parking $500 Nanny Holding Area $250 Magician $600 Rabbit Groomer $400 Puppet Show $750 Kabuki Workshop $2,500 Balloon Animals $200 Balloon Animals (life-sized) $1,800 Balloon Sistine Chapel $21,000 Komodo Dragon Exhibit/Demonstration $7,000 Komodo Dragon Venom Antidote (per vial) $267,482 The Wiggles $80,000 Laurie Berkner $15,000 Non-Equity Actor With Guitar $25 Bouncy Castle Rental $1,500 Bouncy Castle Liability Insurance $20,000 Craft Table $400 Metallurgy Table $1,200 Gothic Architecture Table $8,000 Nano-Robotics Lab $14,000 Anti-Gravity Chamber $1.3 million Chocolate Pudding Diving Tank $12,000 Organic Chicken Nuggets $400 Artisanal Ketchup $150 Birthday Cake $575 Dairy-Free Birthday Cake Surcharge Just For That One Damn Kid $300 Skittles $174.23 Photographer $800 Videographer $1,200 Motion-Capture 3-D Holographer $47,570 Embedded Wall Street Journal Reporter $500 Archivist $300 Dramaturg $250 Ken Burns $22,000 Sushi for Parents $827 Open Bar for Parents $2,300 Reiki Masseuse for Parents $550 Elvis Costello Acoustic Concert for Parents $35,000 Dolce & Gabbana Goody Bags $795 I Guess You Want Something In Those $4,738 iPod Lollipops $3,582 Bronze Mini-Busts of Birthday Child $16,200 I Bet You Won't Notice This Charge $1,750 Closing Fireworks & Laser Show $47,900 Ambien For Kids (per dose) $55 Birthday Money Brokerage Fee $5,000 Gift Hauling $600
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