Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

- - - -

Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

- - - -

A List of Actual Quotes Taken From the Directions and Mission Statements of Organic Products Belonging to My Vegan Roommate.

BY KATE BROWN

- - - -

"For us, it's about a deep respect for the herbs we share with you."

"May each cup bring us in touch with our inner faith, and may its authentic flavors remind us of the wisdom of Ganesha."

"With this, every human being created on God's spaceship Earth can evolve united."

"Discontinue use if rash or irritation occurs."

"Made with 71% organic ingredients!"

"Migratory waterfowl: not only are the majestic flocks beautiful to behold, they provide natural fertilizer."

"Help unite mankind, or we're wandering clowns!"

"Inspired by a conversation between the program's co-founder and gang members."

"The present never ages. Each moment is like a snowflake."

"Persons with allergies to the Daisy family may be sensitive."

"To simplify and enjoy life more, mix 1/2 oz. with 2 gallons hot water."

"We have succeeded in liquefying crystal deodorant stones, which are 100% effective."

"Don't drink soap! Dilute! Dilute! OK!"

"This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration."

 

MORE LISTS

 

- - - -

MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES



Memories of Amanda Davis




Red dot denotes content that is new today.

Black dot denotes newish content.

McSWEENEY'S STORE

SUBSCRIBE TO:
McSWEENEY'S
THE BELIEVER
WHOLPHIN

FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS

THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD

INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE

THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING

McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST

BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY

McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES

ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
FOR BOOKS
FOR THE QUARTERLY
FOR THE WEBSITE
FOR WHOLPHIN

McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS

CONTACT US

- - - -

LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW

AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS


SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA

ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY

DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

- - - -

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL