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Please welcome Amy Jean Porter's horse T-shirt. For the next few days, the shirt is 20 percent off.

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A T   T H E   M A S S A C H U S E T T S
I N S T I T U T E   O F   T E C H N O L O G Y .

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[As a service to our readers, we will be gathering and reprinting notices posted on laboratory doors at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. The following notice was found affixed to a door in the main biology building on the campus of MIT. It appears below unaltered. (Note: if you have notices that you have found posted to doors at MIT, please email them to mcsweeneysmail@yahoo.com with "MIT Doors" in the Subject header.)]

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LIQUID CHROMATOGRAPHY PROCEDURES

1. YOU MUST START USING THE CHROMATOGRAPHY MACHINEES BY 1PM THE DAY YOU SIGN UP OR YOU FORFEIT YOUR RESERVATION ON THE MACHINE.

2. YOU MUST WASH THE PUMPS AND THE SYSTEM (AT LEAST 50 ML) WITH DISTILLED WATER AFTER YOU USE THE MACHINE.

3. YOU MUST WASH THE MACHINE BEFORE 10AM ON THE DAY AFTER YOU HAVE USED THE MACHINE OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR PRIVILEGES ON THAT MACHINE.

4. IF YOU USE A SUPERLOOP, WASH THE SUPERLOOP WITH 2 VOLUMES OF .5M NaOH (OR DISMANTLE THE SUPERLOOP AS SHOWN IN ITS MANUAL AND SOAK IN .5M NaOH), THEN FILL THE SUPERLOOP WITH DISTILLED WATER.

WASH PUMPS A AND B WITH VALVE 1 IN POSITION 3. THEN FLUSH THE SYSTEM WITH 50ML OF DISTILLED WATER WITH VALVES 1, 3 AND 4 IN POSITION 1.

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LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY

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DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW

SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT?

DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS

DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST

DEB OLIN UNFERTH'S SICK OF THE REVOLUTION

DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT

ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES

ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS

ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS

ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS

ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY

DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO
A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA


STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

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