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Millard Kaufman's final novel has arrived!
Pick up Misadventure now—or, see what
you've missed out on thus far by picking up
both Bowl of Cherries and Misadventure
for 27% off the retail price.

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"Went to a Party, Mom":
Adapted From a Poetic E-mail
From Mothers Against
Drunk Driving (MADD).*

BY AMANDA GERSH

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 I went to a party
 And remembered what you said.
 You told me to drink, Mom.
 I felt proud of myself
 The way you said I would. 
 And drunk, I finally got into Pavement because I was flying high, Mom. 

 I made a choice, Mom. 
 Your advice to me was "Party!" 
 I felt brave and alive the way you said I would. 
 Though some friends said
 I should not drink and drive, I myself 
 Made the choice to drive drunk—like you, Mom. 

 I got into my car, Mom, 
 I was really a wreck, Mom, 
 Drunk—and high!—I was not myself. 
 If I had not made the wrong choice, these would not be my final moments; 
      instead, because of that party
 I am going to die. A paramedic said
 So to a policeman, he said: "I'd put out a hundred to say this 
      drunk lying here on the pavement will now die—remember: I said she would!" 

 I hear the paramedic say, "Finally!" and, "I was right! I knew she would!" as my breath is
      getting shorter. I'd
 Love to cut you, Mom, 
 With a hundred stabbing knives, because you said
 Not to be afraid to drink and drive, Mom, 
 That I could get home in one piece and to, like, "do it, girl, 
      get drunk—go Party," 
 That I should be brave and drink myself

 To my grave; I had no idea that you said it knowing I really would die, and I never
      expected myself
 To be this out of it, that my own blood would
 Be all around me because of your advice to "drink a hundred," to "really party," 
 To "party hard, kid." So when I go to heaven, Mom, 
 Put "parents ruin lives" on my grave, Mom. 
 You caused this. You drove me to die because of what you said. 

 That said, I did do it myself. 
 Sure, Mom, that is what you would
 Say, Mom—that it was, finally, my own choice not to drink Sprite at the party. 

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* Originally accompanied by a note that reads, "If you receive this petition and do nothing but delete it, your selfishness knows no bounds."

 

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