McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Articles by
Gracie Beaver-Kairis
Gracie Beaver-Kairis is a Pacific Northwest-based humor and fiction writer. Her work has appeared in Weekly Humorist, Slackjaw, Belladonna Comedy, Points in Case, and in a series of unorganized Google docs on her phone.
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January 31, 2025The Twelve Labors of Hercules, First-Time Homebuyer
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October 11, 2024Brutally Honest Instructions for Visiting a Pumpkin Patch
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March 21, 2024What I Imagine Would Happen If I Went on Naked and Afraid
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March 12, 2024All of the Toilet Scenes in This Prestige Drama are 100 Percent Necessary
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October 6, 2023Taking a Bubble Bath: Fantasy vs. Reality
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September 1, 2023An Honest Guide to Your New Inflatable Standup Paddleboard
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May 31, 2023If What Millennials Were Taught in School Were Actually Useful
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May 1, 2023Excerpts from My Wilderness Adventure Novel Where It’s a Crucial Plot Point That All the Characters Went to Notre Dame
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December 20, 2022We Are the Dead Moms in Holiday Commercials and We Have Had Enough
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October 28, 2022A Millennial Woman’s House of Horrors
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October 13, 2022An Expert’s Guide to Your First Tattoo by Me, a Person with a Single Tiny Tattoo
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August 2, 2022Protagonists of ’00s Songs: Where Are They Now?
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
Recently
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally