McSWEENEY'S LITERARY ARTS FUND

Need a gift idea? Donate to McSweeney’s in a friend or loved one’s name. We’ll email you a specially designed certificate to print or email to let them know of your sparkling generosity. And from now through December 25, any donation will be doubled by generous donors.

Advice From a Person With a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology

Jason Roeder really did earn a bachelor’s degree in psychology. Then he sort of wandered off. The following counsel is not meant to substitute for professional therapy, psychotropic medications, the endorphin surge of a long run, taking a bubble bath, yelling at a waitress so you’ll feel like a big man, or going to Urban Outfitters and shaking a Magic 8 Ball that you’re not actually going to buy.