[The content of this email has been removed]
Let me know if you have any questions!
Thanks,
Lizzy
Elizabeth “Lizzy” Finch
Inventory Manager
Phoenix Media – An ad agency filled with cool people not including Matt, my ex who used Tinder even though we said we’d be exclusive
Office: 404 Mulberry St., desk near the coffee machine where I can SEE Matt from my desk WHILE he’s using Tinder, New York, NY
Home: 355 Knickerbocker Ave #2L, Brooklyn NY (buzzer is broken so call my cell, unless you’re Matt. If you’re Matt go to hell)
Office: (212) 555-1131 — Call anytime! I always work late because I’m free & single
Cell (312) 555-9488 — Text me! I’m usually texting with potential dates
Fax: (We have one but I’m not sure how it works)
Emergency contact: Samantha (312) 555 3244 — my amazing friend who comforted me after Matt tore my heart into a million pieces
Commute: 6 train to Bleecker, which Matt never takes because he’s from Brooklyn and he rides the L train for Losers
Twitter: @LizzyBizzyNY
Sign: Scorpio, totally incompatible with Gemini (Matt)
Body type: Fit, curvy, better than Matt’s
CPR certified — I’ll save you if you’re not Matt
Prescriptions: Yaz, it’s birth control that I need became I’m having lots of sex with guys who aren’t Matt
Languages: English, some Español
Goals: Learn to play guitar, say yes more, stop checking Matt’s Facebook
Likes: ClassPass, Gone Girl, other things Matt hated
Dislikes: Mushrooms, liars, Matt
Biggest insecurity: None. I’m single and proud
Seen a dead body? Yes
Lost virginity: Age 15, backseat of minivan
Vaccinations: Meningitis, Flu, HPV
Favorite phrase: “You go girl!”
Last period: 8 days ago
Salary: $50k/year + benefits which is better than Matt’s and I know that because Samantha works in HR and she told me
Bowel movements: daily, which is more than Matt because he never eats fiber even after I bought him the special fiber capsules he specifically asked for
Bra size: B and if Matt tells you anything different he’s lying, I’ll literally show you my bra
Drink: Gin and tonics, which I never have to pay for because guys at bars buy them for me
Last time I cried: Yesterday
Biggest Secret: I still love Matt
Long-term goal: Get Matt to love me again. Matt: if you’re reading this, come back. I have your fiber pills.