“School boards are pulling books from classrooms. Parents are being asked to inform on teachers who teach ‘objectionable’ material. Streaming services are pulling down music rather than misinformation. This might be the information age, but there have never been more questions about who can get what information, and from where.” — CNN, 1/29/22

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I believe that choosing not to do business with Spotify is censorship. Now, here’s a bunch of books we need to ban.

What’s that? You want more of an explanation about the censorship thing before I get into the books? Alright, look:

It’s a free market. That’s what I love about this country. But when you decide to stop doing business with someone because you don’t like their business practices, you are literally promoting censorship. And I am totally, fully against censorship. Now, I’d like to read a list of books we need to ban from our classrooms forever.

Sorry, you have another question? No? It’s just the same question, again? Sure, I’ll give it another shot:

We live in a capitalist society where the economy is self-regulating, so people have economic freedom. But I believe that if you actually use your economic freedom, that is censorship, and I hate censorship. Now, I want to start by banning Maus—we shouldn’t be allowed to talk about the Holocaust, or mice, for any reason.

Huh? “That wasn’t a full explanation?” Well, maybe this will help:

Some musicians who sell their music to Spotify have decided to stop selling their music to Spotify because they think Spotify gives a platform to dangerous medical misinformation. And because I don’t agree with them, and even though nobody has been kicked off Spotify yet, what they’re doing is censorship. And if there’s one thing I won’t stand for, it’s censorship. Now, here are all the books we need to permanently get rid of and, ideally, un-write. Is that possible?

What is it now? Again?! You don’t think I “actually explained why it’s censorship?” Ugh, fine:

When you decide to do or say anything I disagree with, that’s censorship. Now, get these books out of my kid’s school before I call the cops.

You disagree?! You think that just because I disagree with someone, that doesn’t mean what they’re doing is censorship? And you think banning books is actual censorship? Well, I disagree with you. This means you’re censoring me! Now stop censoring me, and burn these books.