1. Hypothetical Health Badge. When you resolve to start flossing every day. You don’t, of course, but even thinking about doing this is pretty impressive.
2. Reluctantly Pretentious Badge. When you start calling your significant other “partner” because no other label really fits.
3. Intimacy Badge. When you realize that the longest relationship of your life has been with the apple you carry to and from work every day but never eat.
4. Pillow Power Badge. When you realize the amount of energy it takes to resist buying inspirational throw pillows is clearly not worth it.
5. Convenient Excuse Badge. When you start attributing everything that was already wrong with you to being “old.”
6. Ceramics Class at the Local Community College Badge. When the previously neutral fact that you don’t have any hobbies suddenly becomes a pressing existential crisis.
7. New Concepts of Fun Badge. When you stop worrying about your friend who never wants to party and start worrying about your friend who always wants to party.
8. Boombox Badge. When you finally admit to yourself that you don’t care about new music and start listening only to music that was awesome when you were fifteen.
9. Fountain of Eternal Resentment Badge. When you stop being shocked every time you find out a successful person is younger than you, but never, ever stop feeling annoyed about this.