Pumped to announce I’m partnering with the government on an official collab. An absolute dream come true. Follow me on my journey through the halls of justice!
The activation is at the criminal courthouse, so I sport my J.Crew Ludlow blazer and Shinola Leather Briefcase. Style is now in session — use code THIRSTYJUROR for 15% off #ad
I shoot my look in the lobby until an angry guard yells at me to stop. Wow, security here is tighter than the last Teigen-Legend baby shower.
Waiting in an assembly room that could use a major glow up. My skin feels dry af, so I spritz on some ChinUp H2O Complex. The person sitting next to me doesn’t seem to like it, but my pores do. Tag your fave partner in crime to win your very own “Trial” Kit!
Being told I have to wait until tomorrow to see if I’m selected. Based on everyone’s comments, I know y’all are craving quality social-justice content. Hope to be sworn in mañana!
New day, new me. I pack an adaptogen-based wellness powder I’ve been tinkering with that boosts neuroplasticity. Thinking of leveraging my Uncle Sam partnership and calling it “Patriot Pow-Pow.” Thoughts?
That angry guard just confiscated my Pow-Pow. Guess the scales of justice are also blind to opportunity. #brandfail
After more waiting (!) I go into a room where lawyers grill me with questions. Respect that the legal system is crazy selective, which is a #key to #success.
No surprise here, the lawyers love my authenticity. They’re also sweating my drip, which includes a pocket Constitution tucked into my A.P.C. raw denim. Synergy is so important. #SponCon
Guys, I did it: they put me on a medical malpractice trial!!!!!
Okay so now they’re confiscating my Samsung Galaxy S10+ in Prism Orange. Not prison orange, although that’s a timeless color. No socials in court, which isn’t a very evolved POV to have. #brandfailnumerodos
Secretly posting this from a @MetroPCS burner. Turns out this quack doctor removed the wrong kidney. Not good! His Geoffrey Beene two-piece isn’t courting any favors. #criminalstyle #shitisgettingreal
This trial is intense, fam! Tons of blurry blood pics. Forensics is terrible at finding their light. I always recco the Leica CL with a compact profile and vintage appeal. Not #sponsored, just a personal fave.
Hard to feel a sense of duty when the cafeteria lunch leaves me so bloated. Missing my @Sweetgreen!
The lawyers are blabbing on about renal failure, which reminds me of how I recently met my genes with @23andme. Discovering I had celiac disease is part of what started my #glutenfree journey. Bodies are fascinating, amirite?
#Confession I’ve been thinking about the guilt we all face that gets in the way of our dreams. At the end of the day, guilt won’t get you anywhere. Also, keep your kidney(s) happy with QUIND, a low-sodium puffed-quinoa snack. #ad
Heading into deliberations. Poll: Is the doc guilty, Y / HELLS-Y?
INJUSTICE ALERT! The other jurors think the doc is innocent since the other kidney works fine. They say I haven’t paid attention. Um, I’ve been paying the MOST attention!?! What do you guys think? Also, what are your favorite true crime podcasts? I may have some time to kill. #deadlock #juryfury
Snuck in these cute air plants into the deliberation room. Let’s get some life in here as we contemplate death. What are other mindful ways y’all deal with the burden of proof?
Doing Transcendental Meditation™ to calm down. But with 11 people yelling at me to wake up, my inner zen is feeling #busted. Good thing I’m speaking at the David Lynch “Change Begins Within” Conference on using TM to deal with distractions. Book your ticket today!
Turns out the foreperson discovered I’ve been posting about the trial. Now they want to hold me in contempt!! Sign this petition using the hashtag #TrialbyInfluencer.
Read a powerful quote on Instagram. “Bravery takes courage.” Damn right Abe Lincoln!
Might delete this later. I’m in a dingy ass bathroom and I’m crying. These jurors want to change my mind, but I work from intuition. Head over to my SoundCloud for a new spoken-word piece on my predicament featuring a ridiculously dope beat from Lil’ Tick.
Proud (but frankly unsurprised) that #TrialbyInfluencer is trending. Thanks for rallying! This experience has been a trial for me, too. I couldn’t do it without your support.
Feeling honored that the judge declared a mistrial. Yet when I step out of the courthouse in my Reigning Champ track pant, the press attacks me as if I’m the guilty one. You just can’t trust the MSM!
I’m always listening and learning. So I decided to rebrand Patriot Pow-Pow. It’s now called Justice Dust. Smash the link below and order some in your court today.
Overwhelmed by all the talk show requests. I love what the ladies are doing @theviewabc. If you ask me, Meghan McCain gets treated unfairly. The girl is still grieving, people! #support
My #1 jury duty lesson? Life, like surgery, requires focus. That’s why my favorite camera is the Leica CL! #sponsored