- - - -

Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!

- - - -

HAMLET (FACEBOOK NEWS FEED EDITION). BY SARAH SCHMELLING - - - - Horatio thinks he saw a ghost. Hamlet thinks it's annoying when your uncle marries your mother right after your dad dies. The king thinks Hamlet's annoying. Laertes thinks Ophelia can do better. Hamlet's father is now a zombie. - - - - The king poked the queen. The queen poked the king back. Hamlet and the queen are no longer friends. Marcellus is pretty sure something's rotten around here. Hamlet became a fan of daggers. - - - - Polonius says Hamlet's crazy ... crazy in love! Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Hamlet are now friends. Hamlet wonders if he should continue to exist. Or not. Hamlet thinks Ophelia might be happier in a convent. Ophelia removed "moody princes" from her interests. Hamlet posted an event: A Play That's Totally Fictional and In No Way About My Family The king commented on Hamlet's play: "What is wrong with you?" Polonius thinks this curtain looks like a good thing to hide behind. Polonius is no longer online. - - - - Hamlet added England to the Places I've Been application. The queen is worried about Ophelia. Ophelia loves flowers. Flowers flowers flowers flowers flowers. Oh, look, a river. Ophelia joined the group Maidens Who Don't Float. Laertes wonders what the hell happened while he was gone. - - - - The king sent Hamlet a goblet of wine. The queen likes wine! The king likes ... oh crap. The queen, the king, Laertes, and Hamlet are now zombies. Horatio says well that was tragic. Fortinbras, Prince of Norway, says yes, tragic. We'll take it from here. Denmark is now Norwegian. - - - - Sarah Schmelling's funny new book Ophelia Joined the Group Maidens Who Don't Float: Classic Lit Signs on to Facebook will be available in stores on August 25th, 2009. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Hamlet (Facebook News Feed Edition) By Sarah Schmelling The Push Poll: A Life Approach By Jay Dyckman Corrections to Last Month's Letters to Penthouse Forum By David Copper How to Perform a Tracheotomy By Sarah Walker Please Allow Sylvester Stallone a Few Words on Behalf of the Polar Bear By Blair Becker

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN EXCERPTS FROM THE PANORAMA SOLUTIONS TO BENJAMIN TAUSIG'S THREE-DEMENSIONAL CROSSWORD PUZZLE IN THE SAN FRANCISCO PANORAMA ABOUT A VERY BAD WIZARD ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL