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Acts of Rebellion for the Middle-Aged
Starting a movie after 9 p.m.
Texting without your glasses
Eating a Costco hot dog -
I Only Had Kids to Blow Off My Single Friends, Particularly Jeff
“When you bring a child into this world, it lets you experience the joy of pushing out friendships from that same world. There is no better excuse to gradually recede from the guy who will never get his shit together.” -
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, But It Will Be Optimized (Presented in Beta)
“Anger is tracked via Fitbit. Tear gas exposure now counts toward your Apple Health goals.” -
I Am Your Body and I Am Done Keeping Score
“Performing the role of ‘body’ for you has been akin to participating in an irreparably toxic workplace environment. One where management actively ignores the research and trauma-backed warnings I issue on a regular basis.” -
Lists
The Trump Playbook for Brokering Peace Between Israel and Iran
“Trump announces that Iran and Israel have ‘concepts of a peace plan,’ while media staffers from both governments describe the meeting as ‘not constructive.’”
Trending
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June 13, 2025Congrats, Dipshit, You’re a Dad Now
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February 10, 2015What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
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May 9, 2018I Will Do Anything to End Homelessness Except Build More Homes
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June 9, 2025It’s Not Going Great, but Imagine How Much Worse Things Would Be with a Woman President
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June 11, 2025You’re Invited to My Birthday Military Parade
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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June 20, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Place: The Home Depot
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June 17, 2025McSweeney’s Books: A Q&A with Tucker Nichols and McSweeney’s Art Director Sunra Thompson about the New Book, Mostly Everything: The Art of Tucker Nichols
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June 13, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: What Does the AuraCamera 6000 See?
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June 10, 2025My Season Pass to Burnout Land
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June 6, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Queer Liberation
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June 1, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: May 2025: Atrocities 207-272
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May 30, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Sisyphus in the Capital
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Recent Posts
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June 17, 2025I’ve Figured Out What My Mayoral Run Is Missing: I Need to Start Sexually Harassing Women
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June 17, 2025Minutes from the Latest Meeting of the Council of Landlords
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June 17, 2025Welcome to WeStillWork, the Nursing Home for People Who Can’t Afford to Retire
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June 16, 2025Signs the Frog Has Been Boiled
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June 16, 2025We’re the G7 Finance Ministers and Everything’s Great
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