“Coldplay doesn’t
count as ‘European exceptionalism.’”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: Ron G. Biv

Non-Essential Mnemonics: Stop crying. Never cross Stevie Wonder. Muzzle that hurtful, nasty woman: Pelosi. Nuke Moscow. Soooooo overdue. Never trust Malaysian geishas to giggle well. They giggle horribly. After Clinton, this nation didn’t fix itself. I fixed it!

Mnemonic Devices to Help You Remember How to Spell “Mnemonic Devices.”

Our Historic All-Female Spacewalk Will Now Feature a Male Astronaut!

Great Philosophers on Santa’s Naughty and Nice Lists

An Art Nouveau Calendar for a Terrible Fucking Year

An Open Letter to Sarah from Love Actually, to Be Delivered In the Two Seconds Before She Answers Her Phone for the Second Time While Karl Is Tenderly Dry Humping Her

A Producer Attempts to Pitch The Nutcracker