1. You own music in so many formats that your collection could be housed in an audio museum.

2. Back in your day, people feared measles more than the vaccine that prevents it.

3. You were too young to go to the first Woodstock and too old to deal with Woodstock ’99.

4. You’ve lived through several waves of feminism, and they’ve culminated in two women who were among the most qualified candidates in US presidential history losing to the same misogynistic con artist.

5. You remember when even the cheapest chocolate candy bars actually tasted like chocolate.

6. The “millennial whoop” sets your teeth on edge—and at your age, you can’t afford to lose any more enamel.

7. You are on more medications than your eighty-nine-year-old mother, whose suspicions during your teen years that you were on drugs have finally panned out.

8. The lyric “I want to fuck you like an animal” hits differently when you realize that Trent Reznor, like you, is turning sixty.

9. A hill you will die on is that Doug Emhoff is smoking hot. Maybe not “Michael Hutchence in the 1980s” hot, but close.

10. Every time you hit a horrific elder milestone—like discovering several dark, coarse, postmenopausal chin hairs—you hear in your head the Twilight Zone theme music just as Samantha Baker did when she encountered her semi-clad grandparents in Sixteen Candles.

11. Back in your day, people feared polio more than the vaccine that prevents it.

12. You had trouble believing that so many Gen-Xers could have voted for Trump until you remembered all those pop-collared douchebros and shoulder-padded mean girls you and your punk crowd in college avoided.

13. Whatever the hell has been going on with your neck for the past decade is now just a straight-up, motherfucking ET situation.

14. After spending your twenties (and let’s face it, some of your thirties) running around after assholes with guitars and great hair, you finally understand that nice is sexy—and are in awe of people like Gwen Walz who figured this out decades ago.

15. Your feelings about Auto-Tune now help you to understand why your mother referred to the Clash as “that racket,” as in, “Turn down that racket!”

16. After losing your job to “downsizing” a year ago, you have a newfound empathy for Harry Dean Stanton’s character in Pretty in Pink.

17. You’ve lived long enough to see the biggest stains on the Kennedy name go from philandering and manslaughter to vaccine denial and a weird fascination with roadkill.

18. You sit up late at night watching vintage episodes of 120 Minutes and thinking that maybe you’d be more attracted to men these days if they still pouffed their forelocks with gobs of mousse.

19. You don’t really get Taylor Swift. No, not even that album she did with the guy from the National. You only admit this to the kind of people who, like you, saw Fugazi play on the roof of an abandoned warehouse in 1988.

20. You now have as many Kamala Harris and Hillary Clinton T-shirts as you do vintage REM ones, and you will wear them until the architects of Project 2025 peel them from your cold, dead body.

21. You have seen only a rare few mentions in the news that the oldest Gen-Xers are turning sixty this year, which is both the least surprising and most Gen-X thing ever.