This was the week we considered erotica for architects while producing sex-drenched music mixes for exercising moms. We wrote banner ads for medicated wipes and wondered why women’s apparel catalogs want their customers to go paddleboarding before eating tacos. We unearthed excerpts from hipster romance movies, wrote more engaging Ten Commandments, and tried to decipher Eminem lyrics from lesbian poetry. We also thought about launching a podcast (in the near future at least) and expounded on the joys of working in an office in the summertime.

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I’m Thinking About Launching My Podcast Pretty Soon
by Jory John

Lost Scenes from Generic Hipster Indie Romance Films Found in 2076 During a Museum Restoration of an Old MacBook Air and Subsequently Adapted for the Stage During Heritage Week at a Camp for 7th and 8th Graders Later That Summer
by Bethany Billman

It’s Finally Summer in the Office!
by Kassia Miller

Notes on Your Banner Ad Copy for Medicated Wipes
by Jeff Johnson

I Produce Sex-Drenched Uptempo Club Bangers to Inspire Moms at 6 AM Boot Camp Classes
by Jenny Shank

McSweeney’s Quarterly Presents: The Road to 50
by McSweeney’s

Erotica for Architects
by Allegra Hyde

More Engaging Copy for the Ten Commandments
by David Tate

Eminem Lyric or Line of Lesbian Poetry
by Sascha Cohen

Classic Russian Writers for teh Internets: “Vladimir Nabokov’s Signs and Symbols”
by KA Semonova

I Like Big Brass and I Cannot Lie: Confessions from the Tuba World: Enough Tuba Talk—Let’s Listen
by Elizabeth Eshelman

Reviews of New Food
by Alison Satterlee, Stephanie Frazee, and Sam Slaughter

My Own Private Shock Corridor: My Own Private Shock Corridor
by Bob Schneider

On the Trail of Mary Jane: Dabs, Girlz, and Restraining Orders
by Wendy C. Ortiz