Registration is now open for our silver jubilee conference, where the women behind some of rock’s most famous songs will gather at the Hotel California—in its new Laurel Canyon location—to share their stories over one rage-fueled weekend.

Panels offered in the Tiffany-Twisted Ballroom include the following:

Life Beyond Slut Shaming. An intersectional feminist look at women portrayed as sexually aggressive, featuring Roxanne, who never “put on the red light” but who is putting out the word about her campaign to decriminalize sex work; Jenny, who no longer goes by that name after changing her number multiple times; and (Darling) Nikki, whose “grinding” is exclusively applied to metals in the work she does as a welder. The Some Girls Collective, a support group specifically for women who’ve appeared in Rolling Stones songs, will be moderating.

I’ve Got a Name. Speakers include pediatric neurosurgeon Rachel Fontaine, a.k.a. “Stacy’s Mom”; particle physicist Heather van der Waal, once “Jessie’s Girl”; and “Sylvia’s Mother” Mabel Henderson, a retired nurse who recently celebrated her ninety-third birthday and will be joining via livestream from her Oklahoma nursing home.

Satanic Panic. The ladies made famous as “Devil Woman,” “Witchy Woman,” “Evil Woman,” and “Black Magic Woman” deconstruct archetypes of female as primordial evil in a discussion moderated by Dark Lady, a retired kindergarten teacher who just happened to own a black cat. After establishing that none of the speakers had any connection to or interest in the occult, the talk will focus on the one thing they all had in common: turning down a rock star’s sexual overtures.

Oh Baby! A panel on the fetishization of pregnancy and the fight for reproductive justice, moderated by Paul Anka’s first wife—the inspiration for the song “Havin’ My Baby.” The former Mrs. Anka will examine the lyric “I’m a woman in love and I love what it’s doing to me” and describe how the song neglected to mention her severe nausea and vomiting, high blood pressure, hemorrhoids, constipation, swollen ankles, and incontinence. The discussion also features Billie Jean, who confirms that the child was, indeed, his son, and the woman from Ben Folds’ “Brick,” who wishes to remain anonymous but maintains that maybe they wouldn’t have had to consider an abortion in the first place if she’d had reliable access to birth control.

Not at All Hot. The women who were once the teenage inspirations for “Hot Blooded,” “Hot Legs,” and “Hot Child in the City” discuss the Creep Act, a bill they’re trying to get passed that outlaws the sexualization of underage girls in rock songs. Sponsored by Representative Katie Porter (D-CA) and every woman ever hit on by a guy twice her age, our panelists will discuss why this proposed law is important for child welfare, and its added benefit of pissing off the last remaining classic rock deejays.

Doll Parts. A deconstruction of the male gaze and its disarticulation of the female body, this roundtable discussion includes the women behind “Little T&A,” “Hungry Eyes,” “Squeeze Box,” and Fanny—the only “Fat-Bottomed Girl” Queen referenced by name.

Hot for Teacher. Rock icon Maggie May presented in conversation with the legendary Mrs. Robinson. These nonagenarians pull no punches in describing how they were stalked by two “narcissistic man-babies” after kindly but firmly telling their young admirers they thought the age difference was inappropriate.

Sunday afternoon Keynote Speaker: Legs. Supernaturally transformed into a sentient pair of legs after relentless airplay of the eponymous 1983 ZZ Top song, inspirational speaker and medical marvel Legs will provide the closing keynote address. Legs will discuss how she was told there was no work for “half a woman,” how her resurgence in a pantyhose campaign for L’Eggs made her a household name in the 1990s, and the international charity for victims of rock lyricists she started with Eyes Without a Face.

Early bird conference price includes meals and an all-weekend open bar, where mixologist Brandy will give attendees an earful about being “a good wife” and “a fine girl.”

Thanks to our sponsors:
“My” Sharona
“Help Me” Rhonda
“Come On” Eileen
“Lay Down” Sally
“Sweet” Caroline
“Crazy” Mary