Anyone who’s ever collected baseball cards will remember the sentence or two on the back (often accompanied by a cartoon) detailing interesting (and also not so interesting) facts about that player. Before the days of twenty-four-hour sports networks, this might have been the only way fans could discover that Mets pitcher Jesse Orosco “enjoys painting and sculpturing.”
Below are several actual examples from baseball cards of the seventies and eighties; in these, however, a word or phrase in each has been converted into an anagram.
Here’s one example:
Ed Ott, Catcher, Angels
“Has the shortest MANE in the majors.”
Reading this, you could correctly deduce that Ed Ott had the shortest name in baseball, no matter whatever else you might have heard.
And to the Brits and Aussies who will no doubt be angry for the States-centric nature of this week’s puzzle, don’t sweat it. Hardly anyone in America remembers these blokes either.
Send your answers by noon on Friday, December 5. The winner of a McSweeney’s book will be chosen at random from the correct entries.
1. Rick Waits, Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers
“Rick lists TRADING INNING WIGS among his hobbies.”
2. Bill Campbell, Pitcher, Philadelphia Phillies
“Saw combat duty in Viet Nam RATE POOR ASIA ROAD.”
3. Steve Lake, Catcher, Chicago Cubs
“His hobbies include BERATING FOUR SUSHI.”
4. Craig Swan, Pitcher, New York Mets
“Is an avid gardener who TOSS LEWD VERSES TO GARBAGE in Mets bullpen.”
5. Bob Davis, Catcher, Toronto Blue Jays
“Lists ASKING THE NUN among his favorite pastimes.”
ANSWERS.
Number three turned out to be the most difficult, although some entrants struggled with number four. The correct answers were:
1. Rick Waits, Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers
“Rick lists WRITING AND SINGING among his hobbies.”
2. Bill Campbell, Pitcher, Philadelphia Phillies
“Saw combat duty in Viet Nam AS A RADIO OPERATOR.”
3. Steve Lake, Catcher, Chicago Cubs
“His hobbies include REFURBISHING AUTOS.”
4. Craig Swan, Pitcher, New York Mets
“Is an avid gardener who GROWS ASSORTED VEGETABLES in Mets bullpen.”
5. Bob Davis, Catcher, Toronto Blue Jays
“Lists SNAKE HUNTING among his favorite pastimes.”
This week’s winner of a McSweeney’s book, chosen at random, is Scott Slezak.
I KNOW SOME PARENTS WHO’D PAY GOOD MONEY TO TOUCH UP THAT ULTRASOUND
[Steve Lake’s] hobbies include BEATING HIS SOUR FUR.
No, I mean, his hobbies include FOETUS AIRBRUSHING.
No, no, sorry, his hobbies include ABORIGINE SURF HUTS.
Or rather his hobbies include NO SHY MOJO, JAN.
Dammit, I mean, his hobbies include REFURBISHING AUTOS!
—Matthew Blakstad
I DON’T THINK ANYONE AT THAT STORE ACTUALLY FISHES ANYMORE
“[Steve Lake’s] hobbies include [Eddie] BAUER FISHING TOURS.” In truth, he has many hobbies, only some of which involve boar urine or unfit geisha burros (bad donkeys, indeed!).
—Michael Northrop
KOSHER DELI MADMAN
I would prefer it if the answers were:
Straining wingding
A soapier toad roar
Fishing, sure, or tuba
Gloves at gross sweetbread
A Nugent knish (Ted Nugent makes a marvelous Knish.)
—William Sawalich
STEVE LAKE HAS ISSUES
Number three seemed to have various justifiable options:
3. Steve Lake, Catcher, Chicago Cubs
“His hobbies include eating sour fish rub.” (Maybe he grew up in New England.)
“His hobbies include bruising us for hate.” (Maybe he had some anger issues.)
“His hobbies include touring as ‘Bush Fire.’” (Maybe he segued into a professional wrestling career.)
—Amy Goldberg
YOU REALLY CAN’T BE ANY CLOSER, DAN
“grew so’ assort’d vegetables”
—Daniel Dowhan
MMMMM, FROSTING
“Although, I can’t really believe I was right about the one player whose hobbies included “frosting his bureau.” What’s that all about?"
—Rachel Nishan.
AMY JO JOHNSON, A KEYNES FAN?
P.S.: As far as baseball goes, Amy Jo Johnson is apparently a SNEAKY FANE.
http://www.teenmusic.com/transcripts.asp?event_id=1313
—Devin Thomas