ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Andrew Palmer
Andrew Palmer is the author of the novel THE BACHELOR. He lives in Seattle.
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March 25, 2022I Am the Top Humidifier According to Wirecutter and I Can’t Take the Pressure Anymore
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November 2, 2017How You Can Help Me Sell My Book
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December 4, 2014I’m Renovating My Kitchen So I Can Start Life Anew With No Regrets
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September 2, 2014My Marriage Will Crumble If We Can’t Find a New Television Show to Watch
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April 11, 2013I’m a Man Who Subscribes to Men’s Interest Magazines
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September 8, 2011Jenna, Take Me Back, I’m Newly Muscular
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February 1, 2010You Don’t Know Me
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October 12, 2009If I Were Built
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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November 4, 2024Don’t Worry—This Is Exactly How the Founding Fathers Intended You to Feel on Election Day
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November 4, 2024270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us
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November 4, 2024Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care
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November 3, 2024Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen