ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Dan Carroll
Dan Carroll is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. The fact that he’s able to maintain a living in this discipline is a complete anomaly to him, his family, and most around him. Nothing makes sense. This simply cannot be.
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January 19, 2023Oh God, Someone Gave Me Whiskey Stones
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November 8, 2018Turns Out the Blue Wave Was Actually the Ocean Rising to Kill Us
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October 11, 2018The Coaching Candidates for Every Youth Soccer Team In America
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March 7, 2018Welcome to Newscycle: The World’s Most Exhausting Cycling Workout
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June 24, 2015The Results of Doc’s Medical Examination On the Other Six Dwarfs
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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November 4, 2024Don’t Worry—This Is Exactly How the Founding Fathers Intended You to Feel on Election Day
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November 4, 2024270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us
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November 4, 2024Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care
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November 3, 2024Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen