McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON

Join our Patreon at $10/month (or more) and receive a coupon for a discount on the Decorative Gourd Beanie, Gourd mugs, and our glorious new Advent Calendar. Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.

Articles by

Dave Johnston

September 16, 2005

The Philadelphia Flyers Have a Time Machine: Installment Five

by Dave Johnston
June 27, 2005

How to Beat Off Invaders From Space; or, What to Do When the Aliens Come

by Dave Johnston
April 15, 2005

The Philadelphia Flyers Have A Time Machine: Installment Four

by Dave Johnston
December 13, 2004

The Philadelphia Flyers Have a Time Machine: Installment Two

by Dave Johnston
April 5, 2004

The Philadelphia Flyers Have a Time Machine

by Dave Johnston

Trending 🔥

October 15, 2024

I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About

by Sam Woods
October 28, 2024

The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets

by Katryn Bury
September 20, 2024

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

by Colin Nissan
August 19, 2024

Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056

by Ben Parker, Stephanie Steinbrecher, Kelsey Ronan, John McMurtrie, Sophia DuRose, Rachel Villa, and Amy Sumerton

Recently

November 4, 2024

Don’t Worry—This Is Exactly How the Founding Fathers Intended You to Feel on Election Day

by Amanda Lehr
November 4, 2024

270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us

by Christian F. Nunes
November 4, 2024

Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care

by Jennie Egerdie
November 3, 2024

Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen

by Tom Ellison