ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
David Guzman
David Guzman has written sketch comedy for the UCB Theatre NY and video for The Onion, and his work has appeared in McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, and Funny Or Die.
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August 17, 2022There Are Far More Things to Worry About at Our Beach Than Shark Attacks
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August 18, 2020We Are Committed to Making a Safer Trampoline
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September 19, 2019Instructions For Building My Rube Goldberg Machine
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December 1, 2014Go Outside, Get Some Fresh Air, and Play With the Monolith
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October 10, 2013The Purity of Marriage
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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November 4, 2024Don’t Worry—This Is Exactly How the Founding Fathers Intended You to Feel on Election Day
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November 4, 2024270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us
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November 4, 2024Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care
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November 3, 2024Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen