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Articles by
David Guzman
David Guzman has written sketch comedy for the UCB Theatre NY and video for The Onion, and his work has appeared in McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, and Funny Or Die.
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December 13, 2024We Will Build a Big Arch for Your City
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August 17, 2022There Are Far More Things to Worry About at Our Beach Than Shark Attacks
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August 18, 2020We Are Committed to Making a Safer Trampoline
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September 19, 2019Instructions For Building My Rube Goldberg Machine
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December 1, 2014Go Outside, Get Some Fresh Air, and Play With the Monolith
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October 10, 2013The Purity of Marriage
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
Recently
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally