McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Join our Patreon at $10/month (or more) and receive a coupon for a discount on the Decorative Gourd Beanie, Gourd mugs, and our glorious new Advent Calendar. Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Articles by
Helena de Bres
Helena lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She writes fiction and non-fiction and teaches philosophy at Wellesley.
-
December 12, 2019Hello 12-Year-Old Reader, My Name Is Heathcliff and I Am Sorry That I Am About to Ruin Your Future Romantic Life
-
April 13, 2018Samuel Beckett Responds to Messages I Received on Tinder
-
July 10, 2017International Maritime Signal Flags That Would Be Helpful During Sex
-
June 15, 2017Writing Advice to My Students That Would Also Have Been Good Sex Advice for My High School Boyfriends
Trending 🔥
-
October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
-
September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
-
August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
-
October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
Recently
-
November 1, 2024I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6
-
November 1, 2024270 Reasons: Because on January 6, I Was More Afraid Working at the Capitol Than During My Entire Army Deployment to Iraq
-
November 1, 2024Template for Donald Trump’s “I Don’t Accept the Election Results” Speeches
-
October 31, 2024This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner