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Articles by
Jack Loftus
Jack Loftus is an associate creative director, writer, and fledgling cartoonist living outside of Boston, MA. He’s contributed to McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, Gizmodo, and, shamelessly, his personal site jackloftus.com.
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August 8, 2024A New Hope Spreads Across a Galaxy Far, Far Away—Here’s Why That’s a Big Problem for the Republic
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May 29, 2013I’m Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, King of the Fucking Sea
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February 19, 2013Instagram Filters Inspired by My Parents’ Reaction to Yet Another Return Home as a Single Man Who Has Still Not Enrolled In Graduate School
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September 27, 2011Denny’s Research & Development Team Leader Doesn’t Have Time For Your Shit
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May 11, 2011A Hoth Realtor Addresses Some of the Concerns Being Raised Over His Decision to Turn Han Solo’s Deceased Tauntaun Into a Modest Studio Apartment
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April 13, 2011The Washington Post Inadvertently Publishes My Online Dating Profile with the Editor’s Notes Still Included
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December 14, 2010The Word Dude Reflects On Its Steady Decline from Keeping Company with Rakish 19th Century Dandies to Its Demeaning Modern Day Role as Filler for Light Beer Commercials
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 26, 2025Excerpts from a Red-Hot Right-Wing Romance Novel
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
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March 28, 2025Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied
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March 28, 2025Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu
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March 27, 2025We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner