ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Jake Swearingen
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October 28, 2016The Adult Haunted House of Horrors
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May 22, 2013Captive Audience SEO
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January 30, 2013The #MostDangerousGame
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December 23, 2010My Tenure as Holiday Party Planner Was Long, Controversial, and Will Be Ultimately Vindicated by History
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October 20, 2006From The Grad Schoolyard: The Diarrhea Song
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March 8, 2001How Important Moments In My Life Would Have Been Different If I Was Shot Twice In The Stomach At Close Range
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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November 4, 2024Don’t Worry—This Is Exactly How the Founding Fathers Intended You to Feel on Election Day
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November 4, 2024Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care
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